What Was I Expecting?

First weigh in for SPRING FORWARD was not as solid as I would have liked.  Less than a pound…(-0.6)…but that’s still going in the right direction.  How did you guys do?  Sybil?  Ladybeams?  Kirsten?  (p4p, I know you’ll post on your own website)

I’ve been giving some thought to what I was expecting to have happen by this time when I started out to lose the weight.  I realized that I never really gave any thought to what I could expect to see when I got here.  Mostly because I have never BEEN here, but also that I had a certain concept in my head and that’s all I really cared about.  I never thought about what I would be faced with doing once I reached this point.  I didn’t give any thought to how I would move away from the losing and towards the maintaining.  I had no concept of how my body would look after losing this much weight.  I do have to say, without giving out too much information, that I really like the way I look, sans clothes.  There are certain parts that I want to tone up and in a perfect world I would fix immediately, but overall I would not be embarrassed to be seen in a bathing suit at this point.  I’m not going to run out and put on a string bikini but I’m pretty pleased with how things have turned out.

What I need to do now is just relax and let the scale do its thing.  There shouldn’t be any major drops coming now, I’m pretty close to being as small as I’m likely to get.  I fully believe that I will end up losing more weight as the months go by but it’s not going to be anything huge like it has been.  Now I need to just concentrate on the status quo, increasing my fitness/cardio and starting to live in this new body. 

In a conversation with my dear friend this morning we were discussing whether or not I even should be losing anymore weight at all.  I have it to lose, but is it likely that I will lose it where I want to?  Or is it more likely that I will lose it in the curvy, girly parts and still have it where I least want it?  From that perspective I would not want to lose anymore.  On the other hand I’ve come so far and it might be a shame not to find out just how trim I can get.  I’m not sure which one I want.  In a study that someone posted, something like 90% of men, when shown pictures of sizes 8, 10, 12 and 14 women, picked the 12 and 14 women as the most physically attractive while the women picked the size 8 woman as the most appealing.  So while I would LOVE to be a size 8 (don’t laugh, I’m closer to that than you might think!), I don’t want to go so far as to not be attractive to the opposite sex anymore (that sort of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it!).  But then you have to consider that the more attractive YOU feel that you are, the more that comes across as confidence and that is sexy as hell (or so I’m told). (plus, I’m already out of the 12-14 category anyway)

We’ll see.  I think that if I keep running and keep eating well then I am bound to continue to lose the excess fat that I have from wherever it decides to leave from.  It’s such a fine line on both sides though.  Do I stop now and start eating more so that I don’t lose anymore weight?  Or do I keep going until my body literally doesn’t have another ounce to lose and just stops of its own accord?  One of them I would be in complete control of and the other one just happens when it happens.  I know exactly what one of them looks like and the other one is a bit of a mystery.  And I know me and getting down another 12 pounds would certainly be something that I am willing to go after, but I know that I would NOT want to see the scale start to rise if I decided I didn’t like the way it looked or that it wasn’t sustainable.  I also need to realize that unless I’m willing to start going to the gym and training really hard, I am always going to be a soft (in a good way), curvy woman.  I think I could potentially get to that solid, completely toned up point, but am I willing to put in that kind of effort?  I’m not sure, we’ll have to see.

I almost wanted to withdraw from the April challenge (SPRING FORWARD) because I don’t think it’s reasonable for me to try and lose another 8-10 pounds in only 3 weeks.  I decided to stay in though because a targeted goal like that can’t hurt even if at this point it doesn’t seem like I’m going to come even close.

So onward we go, ever closer to whatever that final number ends up being.  Let’s get cracking!

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Little or Lots

It’s a little bit windy

I’m a little bit tired

It’s a lot sunny

I’m a little bit hungry

It’s a lot clean in here

I’m a little bit sunburned

I’m a little bit bored

I’m a little bit unsure

I’m a lot busy all the time these days (and maybe getting even busier pretty quick!)

I’m a lot looking forward to getting my hair done on Saturday

I’m a little bit jealous that Sister is going to Rascal Flatts

I’m a lot looking forward to this summer

I’m a little bit annoyed with my iPod

I’m a lot in love with my new iPod headphones though

What are you a little or a lot of?  What is going on in your life in littles or lots?  Share in the comments.  When I sat down to write this blog post it just all sort of came out all listy like this.  It’s actually a pretty decent way to take a quick life inventory.

So p4p named the April challenge (you guys should go thank her because otherwise you would have had a month of me calling it something stupid like Apocolypse April!)

So the new challenge is from April 1st to April 29th (for me it’s 5 Tuesday weigh-ins but you can adjust to fit your own weigh in schedule) and it’s called SPRING FORWARD.  The challenge is to lose 8-10 pounds through the month of April in whatever manner you choose, providing you do it healthily and intelligently.  Want to get on board with us?  Leave a comment so we can all cheer each other on!

Your Choice

Hi happy blog-friends!  I’ll be back later to do a real post, but first I have a question.  On my other blog I have a guest poster that does product reviews.  What I wanted to know is, do you want to see product reviews on a seperate page on the left for low and medium points/calorie things that we’ve tried.  It won’t be recipes (we already have that page), but rather the things that you find in the grocery store. 

The guest blogger’s name is Penguin and, you guessed it, it’s a penguin.  Penguin does his likes and dislikes, his overall opinion and usually posts a picture of the product, where he bought it and how much he spent.

What I need to know is, do you want me to invite Penguin over to this blog? 

This website is something that I do primarily for me and I’m thrilled that other people find inspiration, enjoyment and distraction in the posts.  Penguin Reviews would be totally for you guys though (I talk to Penguin on a regular basis and already know what he thinks of most things), so speak up.  If you come here and read but never comment, now would be a good time to come out of the woodwork….

Converted!

I heart yoga!!!!!!!  Yoga is not exercise in the general sense of the word, but it is definitely work.  I didn’t realize just how unflexible and what a tight ball of knots I am.  Yoga and I are going to be good friends.

I know I’ve said it a couple of times on here, but I am amazed at myself.  Honestly.  If you know me in person as a close friend or relative, you would know that I do NOT go into unfamiliar situations alone, I do NOT try new things.  I have always been timid and nervous about things like that.  Now, if you know me in person as a casual friend, that may surprise you.  In familiar surroundings, with familiar people, I have no problem speaking up, being involved and putting myself out there.  But in alien territory it’s another story altogether.  Which is why I’m really surprised that I went to yoga tonight.  It’s why I’m surprised that I’ve gone to aquafit regularly.  It’s why I’m surprised that I’m rocking the weight loss thing.  This isn’t me.  At least not the me that I’ve known for the last 28.75 years.  But I like it.  I like this other person.  She has some confidence.  She has an inner strength that she didn’t have or didn’t recognize even a month ago. 

I’m still a little nervous that all of a sudden something is going to change and the new and improved Lady Shanny is going to take a nose-dive.  Is that dumb? 

In all seriousness, can anyone answer these questions: How do I figure out what’s different this time? How do I make sure that whatever it is becomes permanent?  How do I stop worrying that it’s all going to crash and burn?

Hello?

Where did everyone go?  Did you all fall off the planet?  Is the rain making you all hibernate?  Don’t you love me anymore?

Meh!  This website is for me anyway, so here I go for today.

My psyche is a jerk.  If I didn’t know better, I would be pretty sure that the minor muscle spasm in my back, my headache, my yawning, the congestion in my head were all reasons to bail out of going to Aquafit tonight.  Good thing I know better.  I know exactly what my inner self is doing.  I don’t LOVE the idea of going, so my inner self is trying to make reasonable and believeable excuses not to go.  Nice try!  We’re still going!

I feel like I’ve finally found a really good place in my life.  I have great friends, a small but serviceable social life.  My priorities are in order again, I’m making sure that I take care of me first and then whatever time or energy is left goes out to the rest of the world. 

I’ve never been one for a huge social life.  I’ve never had a huge group of friends.  I generally protect my time to myself and choose not to go out.  But I have found, since I’ve let go of some major baggage, that I don’t need as much time to myself.  Maybe because what I do for me now counts for more than all the time I had before where I wasn’t treating me very well.  I can become a hermit very quickly and when I hermit-ize, I eat.  Since I don’t need to eat my way through the evenings, it frees up alot of time.  Like time to go to Aquafit (stop complaining, WE’RE GOING!). 

I’ve been thinking lately about advice I would have given myself 3 or 4 (or more) years ago on how to get here, and I realized that it wouldn’t have been possible.  And then I got to thinking about people in general and how most people who attempt to lose weight don’t succeed, or succeed and then gain it all back and then some.  And I wondered if you have to get to a certain realization about food, yourself, weight, self respect and pride before it sticks.  There are people who have lost weight and never, ever gain it back.  Are those the people that finally got to the place in their lives where it all makes sense?  Heaven knows, I’ve always ‘known’ the right things to say and what I should believe and practice, but I’ve never FELT it like I do now.  Maybe that’s what’s different this time.  I don’t know.  What I do know is that for whatever reason, I don’t have cravings, I mostly don’t self-sabotage (except for that first night before weigh-in) and it all makes perfect sense now.  It’s like I got hit with the weight-loss success stick.  It bugs me that I can’t put my finger on it.  It bugs me that I can’t because I want to know why it hasn’t worked before.  I do know that support from people is key.  I’ve certainly never done that before.

That’s all for now.  I’m off to Aquafit.  Maybe I’ll think about this while I’m freezing my arse off in 12 feet of water. 

I didn’t drown!

Are you all dieing to find out how my first public exercise session went?  It was great.  The Sungod Recreation Center is nice.  I picked Empress Wendy up at 9 this morning and off we went. 

We did the Cardio Excelerator class and worked our butts off.  But I didn’t drown, so point for Lady Shanny.

While Empress Wendy was getting changed, I was sitting outside waiting for her in a beautiful fall morning.  I sat across from a little green space where the leaves had already fallen on the ground and there was a little squirrel running around between the trees.  And I thought to myself “Self, you may not enjoy exercise, you may prefer to sit at home where it’s safe and pressure free, but if you don’t go out, you don’t get to see things like this.  You wouldn’t have gotten to appreciate walking out of the humid rec center into a crisp, clear fall morning.  You wouldn’t get to appreciate coming home, putting on cozy clothes and having a cup of coffee.  So Self, we are going to keep doing this.  Because even if we don’t like the actual act of exercising, we really like the benefits, the weight loss and the pride in actually DOING something.”

So tomorrow night is Deep Water Aquafit and then Thursday is Twilight Yoga.  And I’m going.  I may try to talk myself out of it or try to make myself ‘too busy’ to go, but I’m going!  I have found what it is that I can enjoy about exercise.  Plus, the one-point KozyShak pudding that I had when I got home tasted even better sprinkled with self respect and pride!