Spring Forward

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve updated.  There are some things brewing in the background that I’m not quite ready to tell you but stay tuned because there will be an announcement on Monday, May 5th. 

Spring Forward came to an end for me this evening. I was a teensy bit annoyed since yesterday and the day before I had managed to get into my Personal Goal Range and then today, not so much.  Overall I lost 6.4 pounds in the month of April which is nothing to turn my nose up at.  The goal was to lose between 8 and 10 pounds for the month and since this was only a four week month that goal was probably a little optimistic for me (I managed it in March though).  It’s good to have things to aim at though, right?

How did you guys do?

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SPRING FORWARD: Weigh In #2

The difference between this week and last week is quite large.  4.6 pounds down from this time last week.  That’s quite a lot for this late stage in the weight loss although for the two week total it’s only 5.2 which is a little over 2.5 pounds down each week.  I’ll take it.  So, given what the original goal was (lose 8-10 pounds by the end of April) I’m doing pretty well.  I have only a little over 2 weeks until May 2nd so I’m going to go as far as I can in that time and then call it done.  I’ve totally come to peace with that.  I’m good with firm dates and firm timelines and firm expectations.  The airy-fairy ifs and whens drive me crazy.

After a short MSN chat with my sister tonight I’m going to try something that she suggested that will hopefully give me my sanity back as far as all the changes that are going on right now. 

Princess Sister says:  Maybe you should try living in the moment rather than discecting everything that’s going on.  That might make it more fun and things will fall into the proper place…instead of you trying to predict what that will look like.

Lady Shanny says:  I like everything to be all figured out and when it’s not it makes me neurotic!

Princess Sister says:  Pretty hard to live in the moment when you think you have it all figured out…makes it pretty hard to let something different happen when it isn’t what you’ve ‘figured’

That all makes perfect sense to me.  I’m torturing myself trying to predict how everything is going to go.  I’m torturing myself for not having my whole life all figured out.  And it’s making me crazy!  My dear friend said to me today that it sounds to him like I don’t know what I want out of life.  My answer to that?  You bet I don’t!  I totally overhauled a pretty big portion of my life in a really short time which opened up new opportunities that I don’t yet know what to do with.  So I need to figure it out, for sure.  I do NOT need to have it all figured out in the next week.  That said, I am going to settle the hell down and stop being an irrational, neurotic fool for 18 hours out of the day and see if that goes a little better.

 

A Little Scared

Where should I be right now?  In bed, long asleep.  Where am I right now?  Sitting on the sofa a little drunk and a lot confused. 

I know that I’ve mentioned this here before, but I’m at a point that I never, EVER thought I would get to.  The point where I have to decide if I’m done losing weight.  I know that, again, this is a great problem to have, all things considered, but it’s still weighing pretty heavily on my mind.  There is no real way to know if you will cross the line from healthy to sickly, weight-loss-wise, until you actually do it.  I would really rather not cross that line and so I’m having to tread gently as I move forward.  You see, according to the BMI Calculator I am just on the very inside of being Normal Weight (which means I’m on the borderline of being overweight).  To get right to the middle of my Normal Weight Range, I would have to weigh 150 pounds (which is another 22 pounds down) and that is just not reasonable for me. 

Realistically I realize that I cannot keep losing weight forever and still expect to be healthy.  In fact I think I’m probably right on the borderline right now as far as what will continue to look good and still serve me, health-wise.  I could easily continue right along the road that I’m on and keep my intake low and my output high and the weight would keep coming off, probably indefinitely.  There comes a point though when it truly is no longer necessary to keep taking weight off.  I realize all of that.  It is completely another thing to actually do something about it. 

I can look in the mirror now (sans clothes) and I’m pretty pleased with what I see. I realize that no amount of further weight loss is going to change my body type.  That’s something that I never really realized until just very recently.  I have the exact same body type and problem areas that I had when I was 75+ pounds heavier.  It’s all still exactly the same, just smaller.  I still have a tummy, it’s just much smaller.  The only way that I could ever expect to get rid of that is to do a whole bunch more exercise and start tightening and toning things up.  And then?  It might never be completely eliminated.  I’m actually alright with that.  I know where I came from.  I know how much good I’ve done for myself and I’m not in the slightest bit ashamed of the fact that I don’t have a model’s body.  I will wear a swimsuit this summer and not be horrified to let anyone see me in it.  I feel good and I’ve done well.  I’m healthy and I work at my fitness and I make good choices and I cannot expect my body to be anything that it is not. 

It’s the matter of now stopping the weight loss.  You see, I’ve been getting on the scale once per week for 31 weeks and expecting to see it go down.  And it has gone down every single one of those weeks save for 2.  That mind set of reduction is going to be a hard one to change since it’s driven everything that I’ve done thus far.  It’s going to be rough on me mentally to start seeing the scale go up a bit here and there because I am going to be in fear that it will just keep going up!  I have to somehow find a way to maintain my weight in my personal range.  Since my range is 170-160, I will have some room to wiggle around.  It’s going to be a matter of making sure that my weight is IN the range and then not worrying too much about it.  I know it’s actually a larger range than most people would take (WW lets you have a 2 pound range).  Since 160 is probably much too low for me, and I would not want to be anymore than I am now, the actual movement in the range is probably going to be from the middle to the high end (165-170). 

Honestly, this whole part scares the crap out of me.  I am heavily resisting putting the brakes on the weight loss.  In fact I’m so resistant to it that my dear friend suggested that I am walking a fine line of having a bit of a problem.  I truly do not have the kind of problem that he mentioned.  I am simply having a hard time flipping the switch from losing to maintaining.  Losing is an action that I have been really successful at.  It’s always nice to see a new number every week and to make progress, to buy new sizes, to wow even myself when I look in the mirror or look at photos.  It’s actually DOING something.  Maintaining what I’ve already done is the same amount of effort but there is no reward on the scale anymore.  If everything works out properly, my weight graph should just start to show a nice level line.  Since I would probably avoid flipping that switch indefinitely, I will continue to the end of SPRING FORWARD.  Wherever I end up by May 2nd when I go to Seattle is where I will put the brakes on.  Dear friend made a pretty decent point that since I’m going to Seattle that weekend to spend a whole bunch of time shopping and a whole bunch of money on clothes, where I am when I make those purchases should be where I’m to stay for the most part.  A switch of a couple of pounds in either direction shouldn’t make too much of a difference in the fit of those clothes.  The need to keep tailoring my pants and never having anything that fits is driving me batty and that just might be the catalyst I need to flip that damn switch!

I also have to remember that while the scale may not be moving, I am still going to be able to mark off improvement and progress in my running and whatever other fitness I take up.  I’ll be able to find a way to maintain my weight and still push myself physically.  At least that’s the plan!

So Dear Friend suggested two methods of going about this calorie increasing thing (because that’s the only way, short of ceasing to exercise altogether that I will stop losing weight).  The first option was to increase calories for every day of the week, spreading it out across all 7 days.  The second option was to keep everything locked down from Monday to Friday and then relax it all on the weekend.  I’m more inclined to pick the second option because it’s really the best of both worlds.  By keeping it on the level from Monday to Friday I’m keeping myself in the mindset of lower intake and higher output.  I would never really lose the momentum of what I’ve created in the last 31 weeks.  And then on the weekends (which, as I become less single, are going to be more relaxed anyway) I can relax and just let life happen.  Plus, when holidays or vacations come up I’m already going to be used to letting go for a couple of days and then getting right back on track. 

So that’s where I am right now.  Certainly not anywhere I ever thought that I would be.  Too skinny?  Ha!  You’ve got to bloody be KIDDING me!  And yet this spot I’m in of having to make that decision is proof that I did it and that feels good.  If you start out your weight loss journey as I did, knowing that there is never going to be an end point (which is, in my opinion, the only possible way to be successful) and that you’ll have to fight for your whole life for this then this spot that I’ve found myself in is one of the only indicators that the losing phase is over, that it’s time for the focus to change.

As I have done the entire time that I’ve been doing this, I’ve reassessed as I’ve gone along and made sure that what I was doing was still working for me.  I’ve tweaked here and there to get things to work exactly as I want them.  Tweaking this part is just going to take a little more time and focus.  One of the ways that I’m going to change things starting right now is to count points up rather than down.  If you are following WW you know that you start out with a balance ‘in the bank’ and then you eat out of those points all day and ideally you end up at zero by the end of the day.  Well since that need to end up at zero can be incredibely restrictive for me, I’m going to count UP.  We’ll see how that goes.

So as we can see, this is what happens when you have a long talk with a friend, skip exercise in favour of beer drinking and then sit down and type out a post.  Long and wordy!  Fortunately there is no hockey tomorrow so I’ll be doing a good hard run and working some of this stuff out in my head as I do it.

As always, comments are more than welcome!

What Was I Expecting?

First weigh in for SPRING FORWARD was not as solid as I would have liked.  Less than a pound…(-0.6)…but that’s still going in the right direction.  How did you guys do?  Sybil?  Ladybeams?  Kirsten?  (p4p, I know you’ll post on your own website)

I’ve been giving some thought to what I was expecting to have happen by this time when I started out to lose the weight.  I realized that I never really gave any thought to what I could expect to see when I got here.  Mostly because I have never BEEN here, but also that I had a certain concept in my head and that’s all I really cared about.  I never thought about what I would be faced with doing once I reached this point.  I didn’t give any thought to how I would move away from the losing and towards the maintaining.  I had no concept of how my body would look after losing this much weight.  I do have to say, without giving out too much information, that I really like the way I look, sans clothes.  There are certain parts that I want to tone up and in a perfect world I would fix immediately, but overall I would not be embarrassed to be seen in a bathing suit at this point.  I’m not going to run out and put on a string bikini but I’m pretty pleased with how things have turned out.

What I need to do now is just relax and let the scale do its thing.  There shouldn’t be any major drops coming now, I’m pretty close to being as small as I’m likely to get.  I fully believe that I will end up losing more weight as the months go by but it’s not going to be anything huge like it has been.  Now I need to just concentrate on the status quo, increasing my fitness/cardio and starting to live in this new body. 

In a conversation with my dear friend this morning we were discussing whether or not I even should be losing anymore weight at all.  I have it to lose, but is it likely that I will lose it where I want to?  Or is it more likely that I will lose it in the curvy, girly parts and still have it where I least want it?  From that perspective I would not want to lose anymore.  On the other hand I’ve come so far and it might be a shame not to find out just how trim I can get.  I’m not sure which one I want.  In a study that someone posted, something like 90% of men, when shown pictures of sizes 8, 10, 12 and 14 women, picked the 12 and 14 women as the most physically attractive while the women picked the size 8 woman as the most appealing.  So while I would LOVE to be a size 8 (don’t laugh, I’m closer to that than you might think!), I don’t want to go so far as to not be attractive to the opposite sex anymore (that sort of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it!).  But then you have to consider that the more attractive YOU feel that you are, the more that comes across as confidence and that is sexy as hell (or so I’m told). (plus, I’m already out of the 12-14 category anyway)

We’ll see.  I think that if I keep running and keep eating well then I am bound to continue to lose the excess fat that I have from wherever it decides to leave from.  It’s such a fine line on both sides though.  Do I stop now and start eating more so that I don’t lose anymore weight?  Or do I keep going until my body literally doesn’t have another ounce to lose and just stops of its own accord?  One of them I would be in complete control of and the other one just happens when it happens.  I know exactly what one of them looks like and the other one is a bit of a mystery.  And I know me and getting down another 12 pounds would certainly be something that I am willing to go after, but I know that I would NOT want to see the scale start to rise if I decided I didn’t like the way it looked or that it wasn’t sustainable.  I also need to realize that unless I’m willing to start going to the gym and training really hard, I am always going to be a soft (in a good way), curvy woman.  I think I could potentially get to that solid, completely toned up point, but am I willing to put in that kind of effort?  I’m not sure, we’ll have to see.

I almost wanted to withdraw from the April challenge (SPRING FORWARD) because I don’t think it’s reasonable for me to try and lose another 8-10 pounds in only 3 weeks.  I decided to stay in though because a targeted goal like that can’t hurt even if at this point it doesn’t seem like I’m going to come even close.

So onward we go, ever closer to whatever that final number ends up being.  Let’s get cracking!

Almost There

Well, I think I’m almost there, weight loss wise.  I can pretty much say that this is what I’m going to look like now.  There are still a couple of pounds to lose but not much is going to change visually.

In some ways it’s been a lifelong journey and in other ways the last 7 months have gone by so quickly that it feels like I’ve just blinked and arrived where I am today.

I’ve updated the Journey in Pictures (note the new hair color!) but I thought I would also put up a side by side by side by side comparison from the last 7 months.  Starting at just shy of 250 pounds and today being at 175.

 

Little or Lots

It’s a little bit windy

I’m a little bit tired

It’s a lot sunny

I’m a little bit hungry

It’s a lot clean in here

I’m a little bit sunburned

I’m a little bit bored

I’m a little bit unsure

I’m a lot busy all the time these days (and maybe getting even busier pretty quick!)

I’m a lot looking forward to getting my hair done on Saturday

I’m a little bit jealous that Sister is going to Rascal Flatts

I’m a lot looking forward to this summer

I’m a little bit annoyed with my iPod

I’m a lot in love with my new iPod headphones though

What are you a little or a lot of?  What is going on in your life in littles or lots?  Share in the comments.  When I sat down to write this blog post it just all sort of came out all listy like this.  It’s actually a pretty decent way to take a quick life inventory.

So p4p named the April challenge (you guys should go thank her because otherwise you would have had a month of me calling it something stupid like Apocolypse April!)

So the new challenge is from April 1st to April 29th (for me it’s 5 Tuesday weigh-ins but you can adjust to fit your own weigh in schedule) and it’s called SPRING FORWARD.  The challenge is to lose 8-10 pounds through the month of April in whatever manner you choose, providing you do it healthily and intelligently.  Want to get on board with us?  Leave a comment so we can all cheer each other on!