Pork Balls From Heaven!

I left a comment on p4pretention’s site just a minute ago and thought I would expound on those thoughts here.

We’re in the middle of March Madness right now so I had my whole weekend all planned out.  I had my snacks and my activities all laid out with the intent of staying RIGHT ON COURSE all this weekend.  Ha!  The best laid plans.

I woke up this morning at my regular time to have breakfast and then trot on back to bed for a little nap.  Problem!  The power went out at 6:30 this morning and didn’t come back on.  So my quick errands that I needed to run were delayed while waiting for power to be restored.  So I went back to bed which meant that coffee time and lunch time were delayed.  which meant that my water drinking fell behind (yes, I am THAT scheduled!).  Anyway, I zipped up to the mall to buy a new pair of work pants that fit (success!) and then came home.  At this point the plan was still salvageable.  And then?

I got a last minute phone call from a boy asking me if I wanted to go for dinner at his friend’s house with him.  He was going because they have an upcoming trip that they needed to finalize and he wanted me to come with him.  Ummm…sure!  Since I had no real plans to speak of I couldn’t think of any reason not to go. Plus, I quite like him and I liked the thought of spending some time with him.  (I’ll deal with the lack of notice thing at some other point…Shanny does not do spontaneous!)   So the plan?  Completely thrown to the wind!

Dinner ended up being chinese food (oh my God, so good!) and there was some pre-dinner, hockey watching beverages to be had.   (by the way, it turns out that chinese food and beer makes me crave a cigarette….)

When I got home this evening I sat down and did a bit of thinking.  I realized as I was sitting there eating, that with the exception of the boy (who, I sometimes wonder if he’s noticed), the couple whose house we were at don’t know that not so long ago I was 70 pounds heavier.  To them I’m just a normal sized person.  And that’s odd to me because this has been such a huge thing going on over the last few months.  It also makes it slightly more difficult when someone tries to serve you seconds and you refuse because they don’t understand why not and so they tend to think you’re being demure or polite.  They don’t know that to stay a normal weighted person that I run every night, that I weigh and measure everything that I eat, that I get on the scale every morning.  They don’t know the emotional and mental struggle that I’ve gone through to become a normal weighted person.  To them I just am. 

And now I get the weekend indulgence thing.  It’s not so much that I have to throw my entire plan out the window on Friday night, just that I can veer a little off course on the weekend without having to chalk the whole thing up as a failure.  Would I have said no to this date for the fear of having to eat off my self-prescribed plan?  No way!  Will I make it a habit to eat chinese food and drink beer every Saturday night?  Not so much!  Will I relax my restrictions occassionally so that I can actually live the life I have been working so hard to build?  Absolutely!

I’ll be back at some point in the not so distant future to talk about this boy thing.  I have some concerns/issues with the whole dating thing that I need to somehow get worked out.  I have wanted to write about it here for quite some time but I don’t quite know where to start or how to do that since some of the stuff is incredibly personal and makes me cringe to even think about writing it down (vulnerability and looking stupid and all that).

I should say that this particular boy is very nice to me, courteous, gentlemanly and sweet.  He has a good laugh, laughs at my silliness and clearly wants to spend time with me.  This is all so very different than what I’ve engineered in the past.  I’m also pretty fortunate that this particular boy had/has some reservations about us dating and so things have started out very slow and that’s just fine by me!  So far I’ve done pretty good about putting things into context and not getting overly invested.  While that might not seem like a big deal to some people it’s very much like swimming upstream for me!


  1. Carol said,

    March 16, 2008 at 5:06 am

    Please Shanny, just enjoy.
    You are my inspiration so please just enjoy whatever is ahead without worrying. It is now your time so go ahead and enjoy, just remember that when you come to Australia you will have to kick up your heels and have a wonderful time so get use to it ok!!

  2. Marueze said,

    March 16, 2008 at 7:24 am

    Sounds like you enjoyed yourself /stayed focused even though it wasn’t planned for. Totally understand the preference for non-spontaneousness. But exceptions are good. Hosts usually try to indulge their guests with generosity. Sometimes I just mention that I allergic to the item too much and I break out into fat. It is light hearted but at the same point gets the point across.
    Re your dating concerns: you need to feel comfortable yourself…expereince has shown…if you wish to proceed at whatever speed you wish to proceed if he is a worthy contender he will stick around and make you feel comfortable.

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