I Wonder……….

I wonder if I will ever be one of those people who actually likes exercise?  Or am I the type of person who will continue doing it because I have to and I like the results, but actually hate doing it?

I wonder at what point I will become less critical of myself and how I look?  I wonder when I’ll stop seeing a fat girl when I look in the mirror.

I wonder if all the effort and practice that I’ve put into becoming a better person will ever become second nature?  Or will I always be fighting against myself?

I wonder how I will adjust when I’m in a relationship?  I wonder if whoever I date is going to be tolerant of all my quirks without making me feel bad.

I wonder if I will ever feel comfortable having the weekends be unrestricted as far as food goes?

I wonder if I’ll ever feel comfortable not keeping big chunks of my life a secret. 

I wonder what I’m going to look like when all the fat is gone.  I wonder what the number on the scale will be.

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2 Comments

  1. Leslie said,

    February 19, 2008 at 8:26 am

    sometimes I wonder, too, if I’ll continue exercising forever- i actually love the way it maks me feel, stress-wise, but some mornings, when I’m dragging my butt out of bed at 6am, I think, “Really? Will I still be doing this in 30 years?!”

    Re. relationships, I think you know the other person is right for you when they’re not just tolerant of your quirks, but love you all the more for them. I’m blessed to have a husband who has known me since early college, before I developed (and subsequently recovered from) an eating disorder. These past 10 years can’t have been easy for him, listening to my wildly changing views about my body or wanting, say, deep dish pizza one night for dinner but only a salad and fat-free dressing the next. But he has stuck by my side, gone to docs/therapists with me, reassures me when I need it but challenges me when I say ridiculous things too. You WILLL find someone who embraces everything about you – it will be wonderful.

    PS You look really, really great in yor pics!!!

  2. Krystle said,

    February 19, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    You know, I wonder about the exercising thing myself. It’s so difficult.

    I started doing the Couch to 5k, as I have registered for my first 5k on April 26th. I’m hoping now with running I’ll be able to get into it.


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