Don’t Accept That! (UPDATED)

Ask Lady Shanny is updated.

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I’ve taken down the Fat Acceptance post that you saw here.  What I wrote and what I meant didn’t even come close to meeting up and it came across as rude, self-righteous and intolerant, NONE of which I meant.

 I would have just removed this post altogether, but there are some good comments that are worth reading.

My last thought on this subject for awhile is this:  There is a difference between BODY acceptance and the Fat Acceptance movement.  There are some people, some websites who preach that there are naturally thin people and naturally fat people and if you happen to be in the fat category, all the exercise and calorie watching in the world is not going to help you so you might as well just accept that you are going to be fat forever and quit stressing out and wasting your time.  THAT is what is absolute BULLSHIT! 

I apologize if my first post about this offended anyone, that certainly was not my intent.



  1. Bev said,

    February 16, 2008 at 1:27 pm

    I think there’s a difference between body acceptance and fat acceptance. If you are fat and are truly doing every good thing you can for your body: portion control, nutritious food, exercise, proper sleep and you can’t get down past a certain number on the scale, then I think that turns into body acceptance. We have a friend in common who has large hips, no amount of dieting and exercise will ever change her body shape, what will change is the size of the hips.
    Fat people may act happy but I agree, it’s a crock. You are not the best you can be when you are fat and that is not a good place to be. That’s why people we consider slim or average who say they want to lose xx pounds and we look at them like they’re crazy, they are doig it because they know they are not at their best. Everyone’s best is different but you have to be truthful to yourself, only you know what you can achieve.
    Hope this makes sense. 🙂

  2. Tarable said,

    February 16, 2008 at 4:31 pm

    I am a firm beleiver in taking good care of yourself both physically and mentally. I feel that if you eat healthy and exercise regularly that you should be proud of yourself and whatever sort of body that you have.

  3. Marueze said,

    February 17, 2008 at 7:36 am

    You threw out a toughie out there with that one.

    We should all accept each other. . . no matter to weight, height, etc.
    People will find fault with any who are out of the “norm” and as we all learned in psych 101. . . Normal is what is deemed by society. Some people think me silly to want to lose weight …in their culture they like a woman with “a little meat on their bones.”
    Same thing with many men. But some one else may look at me and think ..”she’s overweight”

    When you see a news clip where a person is taken out of their house on a gurney because they can’t walk and the gurney has to go through a window since it can’t make it down the stairs, etc. Furthermore you hear that the person has others bringing in fast food at all hours of the day. It just makes it a little harder to accept. It is possible to feel bad for the person but to have to accept that this is okay is stretching it a bit far for me.

    When you fly and sit on a plane where the seats are tight unforgiving enough for most people (especially those of the taller persuasion) and have a person overlapping into your personal space. That is rough to accept.

    Also, a person that already has their size pointing to them comes under criticisim for their grooming and cleanliness, etc.

    Working in a hospital affords exposure to many different types of people and ailments. When you see a person that must weigh 350 lbs in a wheelchair and in their 20’s in just breaks your heart. But you really start thinking what got them there and what keeps me from getting there. When I honestly make the effort – I lose the weight. Even with jerking around it is possible to not get to the extremes.

    There are illnesses that cause weight gain. . . ballooning of extremities…But when abuse of food & beverages(consumption of junk food…we all know what it is) I find it tougher to accept the circumstances/results of the situation.

  4. madmargaret said,

    February 17, 2008 at 9:18 am

    For what it’s worth, I both agree and disagree here. First, yes people need to be responsible for their health and well being. If you are fat, learning to eat right and lose weight is a responsibility to yourself and probably always will be for life. Liken it to a disease like diabetes, it’s a lifelong struggle that the individual must be responsible for. It sucks, and nobody denies that.

    However, in my opinion. fat acceptance has more to do with the social tolerance of those who are overweight—acceptance of who they are NOW, not who they SHOULD be. At their core, they are still flesh and blood. They don’t deserve to be laughed at, spit on, or made to feel less than human, or denied access to social occasions as if they were made up of pure evil instead of adipose tissue. Obesity is a complex disorder, made up of both biochemical and mental issues—those of us who are severely overweight deserve a certain amount of understanding and compassion. Like my friend always tells me, if it were as simple as dieting, EVERYONE would be thin.

    Don’t get me wrong. I see these documentaries about the 800-pound man that has to be cut out of his house, eating Burger King on the way into the ambulance, and I admit that I look at him in disgust. No big “duh” about how he got in the situation he’s in, right? But don’t be too quick to judge. These things don’t happen overnight. Not by a long shot. It took a long, long time for him to find himself there. Lots of OTHER people enabled him along the way. Some of them perfectly compassionate thin enabling people who wanted him to feel better so they brought him cakes and goodies to ease his burden.

    It’s environment, it’s the person’s history, it’s who they are now, how they feel, as well as what they eat. When you’re that overweight, it’s physically painful to move. For a person to want to change, it’s an overwhelming proposition. Does that make it okay that they continue to do what they do to make themselves get even more overweight? No, but let’s face it: how long will it take, and how much effort would it be to take off that 600-or-so pounds — and moreover, is it really worth it to them? Days, months, years on end of pain and effort. They’re unloved, uncared about, spit on in the street, so what would be the point? If the only thing in their lives that feels good is food—for many of them, that’s all they’ve known for years. It’s who they are. So that’s where they stay. Right or wrong.

    Many would rather just be accepted for who they are TODAY rather than who you would prefer they would be. It isn’t until they feel loved and worth the effort that they’ll bother to make a change.

    Every time I see one of these cases, I think, “Thank God that’s not me.” Every time I see an overweight friend, or severely obese person, I try to remember that underneath all that fat, they look just like regular people and deserve to be treated as such.

  5. madmargaret said,

    February 17, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    I get where you’re coming from, but don’t ever censor yourself kiddo. If it’s honestly how you feel, stand by it. I write a lot of controversial stuff too (though under the blanket of anonymity) and frankly, I’m surprised I haven’t taken more heat for it.

    And honestly, don’t take my opposing viewpoint to heart. I wanted to point out a few things I felt needed to be mentioned to clarify and balance what you were saying. You were talking about people having personal responsibility for what happens to them. I get that. More people NEED to do that, but not everyone is ready to. When Fat Acceptance tries to argue that theirs is a better way to live, that’s just nuts. But don’t let that stuff get to you either — they’re the nutballs in the minority and are simply misunderstanding their disorder.

    I have a couple of good friends who are severely obese (easily twice my size). They’ve done every diet imaginable, but in the end, they wind up right back where they started. That’s where the idea of it being impossible comes from (not to mention several studies that say the same thing). The cold hard facts are that something like 95% of obese people who try to lose weight end up gaining it all back again in less than 5 years. It’s a lifetime commitment to change that not everyone’s ready for.

    But for those who ARE ready, they are in for a lifetime of work. As you and I both know.

    Keep your chin up Shanny, and don’t be ashamed of your words. I knew what you were getting at — just wanted to amiably debate from the other side.

  6. Lady Shanny said,

    February 17, 2008 at 5:16 pm

    Hi Miss M…I didn’t only censor myself because of your viewpoint. I did it because I realized that if I was going to write something inflammatory like that I had to be able to back it up and defend what I said. The thing in this case was that I was cranky and irritable when I wrote it and then not interested in spending any time defending it.

    I’ll come at this issue again, just not right now….

  7. Lady Shanny said,

    February 17, 2008 at 11:16 pm

    This comment is from my sister:

    Well, you know, there are people who are going to read that shit [fat acceptance websites] and agree and feel better because there is someone else who ‘understands’ them… which is really just a good excuse to not work at it, because it’s a ‘movement’, and then there are people like you and me and your readers who like other’s inspiration for trying, who share secrets and recipes and thoughts and feelings to keep our own movement going… and you’ll NEVER change the minds of the people that seek solace in that bullshit, so why do you keep going there?

  8. Princess Darcy said,

    February 18, 2008 at 2:21 pm

    I only just read your comments MadMargaret. And I think that your argument is much different than the FA movement. From what I’ve read from some of those blogs, they’ve moved well past the movement to get society to accept fat people as contributing members and well into being a comiserating club where each member enables the next to be fat. My friends LOVED me when I was fat… I made the best friends of my life when I was fat… and then I lost weight and they loved me exactly the same… I think THAT is what you’re getting at… that people of all sizes and shapes deserve to be loved REGARDLESS of what they look like… but I think the argument that Shanny is trying to make is that there’s a difference between that and using some ‘movement’ to excuse yourself from trying to do right by your body… if that makes sense…

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