I Quit!

That’s right, I’ve had it.  I quit, finito, no more, niente!

Before I get into the meaning of that though, let me just say that I am feeling infinitely better than I have been over the last few days.  I’m still incredibly stuffed up and still have the delightfully obnoxious cough but overall?  Aces!  I should mention that if you are so stuffed up you can’t breathe, getting on the eliptical trainer for 20 minutes and exercising at a speed equivilant to that of a ground to air missile is not advisable.  Not!

OK, so the quitting.  One of the things that I have always been slightly shameful of is that I smoke.  Yup.  Say it.  Idiot!  Over the last few days of being dead, it was difficult to breathe let alone smoke and the cough that threatened to crack my ribs was not helped in anyway by puffing on a cigarette.  So I haven’t smoked in a few days….or I should say I haven’t smoked MUCH in a few days.  Today, since I was starting to feel better, my sickness induced quit was wearing off rapidly.

And then it was like a light bulb went off in my head.  If I don’t quit now, today, right this very second, officially and forever, I will never get past the point I’m at right now.  Weight wise, health wise or relationship wise.  I realized that I had to decide whether I would be happy to have gotten part way there or if I want to get all the way there.  I know that if I gave up getting all the way to where I want to be in favour of smoking, I would never be able to respect myself.

 I recently read a book (Allen Carr, EASYWAY) and it outlined the following:

1.  Smokers are actually drug addicts.  It is not a ‘habit’ it’s a drug addiction and only by realizing the seriousness of it can it be conquered.

2.  Cigarettes don’t actually DO anything for you.   The only thing that happens is that the cigarette relieves the slight withdrawal symptom created by the nicotine leaving your body from your last cigarette.  As soon as you put the current one out you are going to be back in the exact same position in about 45 minutes, give or take.

3.  The actual withdrawal from nicotine is actually very mild and almost un-noticeable, akin to a slight empty feeling that can be confused with hunger.

This is obviously just a really brief rundown on the content of the book but hits the major points. 

When I started the weight loss thing, there were moments when I wanted to crawl out of my skin because all I wanted to do was come home and eat.  I know that feeling very well and it is incredibly strong.  But I beat that one and I’ll beat this one.  I refuse to be defined or guided or compelled to do anything by an inanimate object that is filthy and unhealthy and truly? Disgusting.  It also hurts my pride a lot that important people in my life think less of me because of an idiot choice that I made as a teenager and continue to perpetuate as an adult.  No more.  Not this woman!

I know that it won’t be all puppy paws and rainbows, I’m not deluded like that.  I know that there will be rough moments and probably a good headache or two, but I’m equal to the challenge.  I have goals that are not possible if I continue to be a smoker.  I love the weight loss, I do (and I’m not quite done yet) but I am driven right now to improve my physical fitness and see how far I can push myself and I can’t do that if I keep smoking.

On the weight loss note, am I scared I’ll put on weight?  No.  Having done WW for this many months now, I know exactly when to expect to be hungry and I know exactly what and how much I should be eating.  The only thing that causes weight gain is eating more than you burn and I have no intention of doing that.  Yes, cigarettes raise your metabolism but the increase is so slight that it hardly even registers in medical research.  Not worried.  Nope.

I  know that you will all support me and wish me all the best however I do not want to get into any discussion about this.  I don’t want to hear stories about other people quitting or how hard it is or how long you’ve been quit or how many times you’ve tried.  I don’t need advice or recommendations or website addresses.  While I appreciate all that for the rest of this website (and you KNOW I do!) I am not interested in any discussion on this front.  I just wanted to let you know what was going on.  Please don’t be offended but the only comments that I’m interested in seeing (if you feel the need to post one) is “Good Job” or any short and sweet variation therein.

One More Thing:  One of the things that I’ve always had that saved me from having to prove myself was smoking.  As a fat person, exercise was not something that I ever considered, moreso because I was a fat SMOKER.  By shear force of will, I have been able to remove some of the fat and learn to exercise in spite of the smoking.  But I’m still not on the same playing field as everyone else and I want to be.  What that means though is that when we’re all on the same level, I may still not be good enough.  I’m finally alright with that.  All I can do is my best in any given situation.  Right now my attention is focussed on evening things back up and getting rid of my last excuse.

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8 Comments

  1. Comrade GoGo said,

    February 14, 2008 at 7:10 pm

    Congratulations on your decision, Shanny! I’m SO happy to hear about this :).

  2. Krystle said,

    February 14, 2008 at 7:59 pm

    What an great decision Shanny!

    Be proud! 🙂

  3. Bev said,

    February 14, 2008 at 8:03 pm

    Good job!

  4. marieclaude said,

    February 15, 2008 at 12:48 am

    Congratulations!!! GOOD FOR YOU!!!!

  5. Anonymouse said,

    February 15, 2008 at 2:17 am

    Good for you! And may I say that your “best” is pretty amazing!

  6. Katie said,

    February 15, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    That is awesome that you decided to quit. My mother quit a long time ago and is so happy that she did. Not only did she improve her health, she saved LOTS of money. Also, now, she can’t stand the smell of smoke. You really don’t realize the smell if you have been a smoker your whole life. But I hope it all works out and I’ve said it before and I’m going to say it again … you are such an inspiration to me in my journey of a better lifestyle. Also, I’m glad you are feeling better, my annoying cough is still here but I can actually function. Enjoy the rest of your night. Bye!

    Katie

  7. Marueze said,

    February 15, 2008 at 4:37 pm

    Good for you! Way to go! You will now have more money for clothes.

  8. ladybeams said,

    February 17, 2008 at 12:07 pm

    Good luck to you, LadyShanny. Even tho I have been considering it, I haven’t done it yet. I hate to get as sick as you were to take it on, but that may be what it would take (of course smoking longer than you’ve been alive doesn’t help either) LOL. But I would like to quit. I’ll have to concentrate more on it. Maybe once I finish my kitchen/gym, when I want a cig I can go exercise. It’s funny, when I was walking everyday, I never smoked while I walked like a lot of heavy smokers do. I never liked how that looked anyway.
    Good luck to you. Maybe I can follow your example.


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