Boo Boo Baby

Results page is updated.  Considerably better result than last week!

Please forgive the utter belly-aching that is about to go on here.

I am not usually the type to ask for help.  I do it when I absolutely have to, but I don’t like it.  I tend more towards the do-everything-myself-even-if-it-would-be-easier-to-let-someone-else-help-me variety of thinking.  Why am I thinking about this right now?

Because I am sick.  And I don’t like that I have to still do everything myself.  When even the thought of getting out of bed with this monstrous headache makes me feel sick to my stomach, I still have to do it.   The dishes still need to be done, dinner isn’t going to make itself, laundry doesn’t fold itself and get put away by magic.  I still have to do it because if it’s not me then it’s not getting done.  (yes, commentors, I realize that I don’t need to neccessarily do everything all right now, some stuff can wait until I get better, that’s not the point) 

It makes me sad in a pathetic kind of way.  So pathetic, in fact, that I was hesitant to write about it here because there are people who know me who read this.

I don’t NEED to be taken care of, I am perfectly self-sufficient.  Right now?  I wish more than anything else that there was someone here who could pick up some of the slack.  Someone besides me who would do the dishes.  Someone besides me who would make oven roasted potatoes for dinner.  Someone besides me who would remember to turn the electric blanket on before bed.  The quote “I don’t wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone” breaks my heart and yet is completely true of what I’m feeling right now.  I want someone to give a crap that I feel like death. 

When these things crop up, these desires that I have that are not currently being fulfilled, it hits home again that losing weight does not solve all of life’s problems.  I think it’s probably the same as when they say ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’.  Now, obviously I would like to be given the chance to prove or disprove that one for myself.  But losing weight does not change the fundamentals of who you are or what your life is like and I have had the option of proving that one.  Sure, it may seem like some things change.  What I believe actually happens is that certain parts of who you already were are uncovered and let out into the light and other parts are sent back into the wings where they belong.  I don’t think anything truly is different.  So yes, my clothes fit differently, I’m overall healthier (current illness notwithstanding) and more relaxed and I look about a bajillion times better.  But I’m still alone, I’m still doing it all myself and I’m still occassionally very unhappy about that.

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11 Comments

  1. Lasserday said,

    February 12, 2008 at 10:16 pm

    i’m sorry you are feeling so unhappy about that. i was feeling that way this evening myself. my dh has been/will have to continue working an opposite shift from me for a while. it is hard living alone, especially when you are feeling down or sick. days like these make me think it would be better if we still lived in houses with several generations. but then again….i sure do love my alone time, when i am not feeling lonely. 🙂 i hope you feel better soon. 🙂

  2. marieclaude said,

    February 13, 2008 at 12:37 am

    Oh girl I’m so sorry you feel unhappy… {{{{hug}}}} You’re right, losing the weight isn’t the key to solving all of life’s problems, but it’s surely a step in the direction of a better life. Hang in there!

  3. Anonymouse said,

    February 13, 2008 at 2:18 am

    (((Shannon))), I hope you feel better soon. And I hope you find that special someone who will roast your potatoes.

  4. madmargaret said,

    February 13, 2008 at 6:28 am

    I’m right there with you kiddo. If I could, I’d come by and bring you some chicken soup. I feel EXACTLY as you do though. Losing weight makes things easier, but no, it certainly doesn’t fix everything (I wrote about that just the other day). On some days, it cuts through me like a knife that I have to go through all this alone when so many people have someone and don’t appreciate it (and, of course, fucking valentine’s day being tomorrow doesn’t help). Just once it would be so nice to have someone say, “Don’t worry about it sweetie, I’ll take care of it.” I remember, back in the day when I used to work overtime, that my boss didn’t understand that there were days when I just couldn’t do it. He’d say, “But you don’t have a family to take care of — why can’t you stay?” — because that’s the very reason! If I don’t pay the bills, clean the sink, get the inspection on the car, take out the trash, fix dinner, etc., unlike those with a family, no one else will.

    Anyway, just sayin’, you’re not alone kid. Hang in there.

  5. February 13, 2008 at 9:46 am

    I hope it gets better for you, and I hope you get the help you are crying out for from those who you need it from. Hang in there.

  6. The Empress said,

    February 13, 2008 at 4:29 pm

    Please know that you can always count on me. Just call.

    I need someone to dote on from time to time since J is away so frequently….plus its therapeutic for me. I have been having a rough go of it lately and could always use the companionship. Get better soon!

  7. Marueze said,

    February 13, 2008 at 4:42 pm

    Sigh. . . 😦 so many things to say. . .
    Yes, this is the season for unattached peeps to feel alittle blue. Myself included.
    But, Lady Shanny. . . you have so much going for you. . . don’t let feeling under the weather, in the middle of the winter, right before a totally commercialized hallmark holiday get you down.

    As mentioned by others, there are people who are with people who don’t appreciate them or who they don’t appreciate. ( on so many levels) .

    Spring will be here before you know it. .. .you will embark on some new adventures, and experiences and thus meet new people and open yourself up to new relationships/friendships, who knows where they will lead..

    There are reasons that all the romance novels sell. . . they represent stuff that is lacking in many lives. . . hang in there.

    btw. . .great week you had. . .you must be doing something right!

    Show yourself some tlc. you are entitled to your feelings and it is so true. . . being thinner will not take away the problems. it is like peeling an onion. . . and we all know what happens when onions get peeled!

  8. MamaBearJune said,

    February 13, 2008 at 6:25 pm

    Congrats on the loss this week. You have really had a great average per week for losing, so that’s awesome.

    But I’m so sorry to hear that you aren’t feeling well and are lonely. I know there’s nothing I can say to make it better, so I’m sending hugs and prayers over cyberspace. {{{{Lady Shanny}}}}}

  9. ladybeams said,

    February 14, 2008 at 7:29 am

    I’m sorry to hear you haven’t been feeling well. My oldest daughter (26) is also single and she moved to a small town in central Calif. so she’s a few hours away from me. She says there are so many times when she’s sick she wishes her mom was there to take care of her like I used to. As old as I am, and I do have a somebody, there are still times I wish I was that little girl with my mom taking care of me.
    Even tho losing all that weight may not solve all your problems, it does open extra doors for opportunities to walk thru. You’ve done very well for yourself. Sometimes ‘having somebody’ just gives you something else to take care of instead of vice-versa. You’re young and beautiful. Your someone will come, and hopefully he knows how to cook and do laundry. LOL

  10. March 11, 2008 at 6:12 am

    […] for instance THIS post where I pretty much say flat out that I realize losing weight won’t change my life […]

  11. March 24, 2008 at 9:13 pm

    […] I have very little desire for them most of the time.  But if I’m sick I want them (remember THIS post?) and apparantly if I’m feeling a little off, they help there too.  Today is definitely […]


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