One More Thing

This website has come up several times in my real life (as opposed to my bloggie life) and people want to see it.  I’m rather chatty and because this website takes up a lot of my time and there are some really good discussions on it, I do occassionally (read:  often) mention it in my real life. 

There are only a handful of people who know me in real life who also read this website.  In fact as of this evening there are 7 people who have the address out of the hundreds that come here every day.  I don’t give it out lightly and it’s hard for me to explain why when I’m talking to someone.  I can’t seem to express just how personal it is.

The words that I put out on these pages are straight out of my heart.  They are unscripted and unedited.  They are my truth, my opinions and my thoughts.  They are sometimes disordered, sometimes raw and sometimes funny.  Whatever the words are at the time that I write them, they are me.  Reading this website is knowing very intimately who I am.  People often ask me why they can’t have the address since I willingly put it all out on the internet for anyone to read.  I guess my main issue is with trust (it all comes back to that, doesn’t it?) and vulnerability. 

If I don’t feel like I can trust you or I don’t feel like I know you well enough, you don’t get the address.  If I have the slightest impression that you may use my vulnerability against me or if I’m even slightly unsure about how you’ll use the information, you don’t get the address.

So please understand that if you have this address, I have decided that I can trust you.  I’ve decided that you aren’t going to use any of the information for anything other than getting to know me and perhaps taking a little bit of me away with you when you go. 

Also?   If I gave YOU the address, I trust that you will never, NEVER give out the address to anyone that we both know without my permission.  I realize that by giving out this website to people I know in real life, that I am taking a risk.  It is a calculated risk and one that I think is ultimately helping to teach me how to trust people again. 

Maybe this is not a big deal to other people.  To me?  It’s HUGE!  I do not, as a general rule, share this type of personal information with anyone.  There are posts on here describing situations or circumstances that still make me embarassed or shameful, months and years later.  It is an airing of all the laundry that I have, dirty and otherwise, where weight, self image, trust, behaviours, friends, mistakes, struggles and achievements are concerned.

Occassionally I have second thoughts about anyone knowing me in real life reading this and I am tempted to close up shop and disappear.  Those thoughts are fleeting though and it would break my heart to take that step, so to the 7 people?  You’re in the circle of trust.

Advertisements

11 Comments

  1. Carol said,

    February 8, 2008 at 5:05 am

    Hi, for goodness sake don’t even think of closing up shop, you are such an inspiration to us all and also dont forget that you are going to visit us on our farm when you come to Australia on one of your goals for your new life. Come on, keep up the motivation and keep aiming for your dreams, you have achieved and you will keep on achieving .
    Carol

  2. Bev said,

    February 8, 2008 at 6:56 am

    Only with your permission and after discussion with you.

  3. Lady Shanny said,

    February 8, 2008 at 7:14 am

    Carol, if my pipe dream of ever visiting Australia comes true, you bet I`ll be out to visit you!

  4. Tara said,

    February 8, 2008 at 8:29 am

    You and I both have things that we know about each other that we would like to keep private. I feel that I am able to trust you with my very private and personal “other” life. You should know that I would never EVER give this address to anyone without your explicit “ok”.

    On that note – I do have a link to your website from mine. Please let me know if you would like me to take that down.

  5. lululeelee said,

    February 8, 2008 at 12:43 pm

    I am totally with you. I don’t share my site address with many people I know in the real world. I think a private sanctuary even in the form of a blog is helpful. The blogging thing is very therapeutic and you should keep it up. Just mind who you trust!

  6. Krystle said,

    February 8, 2008 at 2:05 pm

    I’m with you on that… I only have given my weight loss blog address to a select few in real life. They should consider their self privelaged. I’m not the type to share my true self/weight with people I see every day… just not my style.

    My regular blog on the other hand, quite a few people I know IRL view it, and that really bugs me sometimes too. So, when I need a place to vent, I usually do it on my diet blog. I made the mistake of telling others I have the blog, and now what am I supposed to do? Make every post private? Tell them they can’t read it? No. So, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’ll deal with it and use my diet blog for venting.

    I hear ya… it’s a thing I contemplate often about.

  7. Sybil said,

    February 8, 2008 at 4:51 pm

    I so get where you are coming from. At this point, I haven’t shared my blog with anyone I know in ‘real life’. A few know I have one but have not pressed me for the details. Someday I may be ok sharing it with them, but for now, I’m not.

    Totally enjoy your blog by the way and would hate for you to close up shop.

  8. katapilla22 said,

    February 8, 2008 at 10:13 pm

    I truly admire your honesty and ability to be so open and sharing with your feelings, as this is something that is extremely difficult for me (just ask your sista). I am also honoured that you shared your blog with me and I would never misuse that trust in any sort of way.

  9. Marueze said,

    February 9, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    As much as you enjoy your freedom of speech, I totaly respect/appreciate your right to privacy.
    The fact that I am able to speak/type freely is liberating.
    Your site, your rules.

  10. madmargaret said,

    February 9, 2008 at 5:19 pm

    You’re a BRAVE girl indeed for letting people that you know see your site! I agree: your site, your rules!

  11. February 10, 2008 at 7:45 pm

    […] Lady Shanny! Nothing like public anonymity. Kinda.  A few people who read this know me. Most don’t.  […]


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: