A Lot to Say *UPDATED*

Me?  Wordy?  Really?  teeheehee

I’ll do this in sections.  Just so you know, the sections don’t relate to each other and it won’t flow very well.  Fair warning.

Beauty ~ I went to a Christmas tea at my mom’s house last night.  As I was being introduced to the women that I didn’t know (and re-introduced to the ones that I do know), this phrase just about popped out of my mouth a couple of times: “Oh my God, you are beautiful!”.  Kind of an inappropriate thing to say to someone you’ve never or rarely met, yes?  Anyway, it got me to thinking about a couple of things.  First, there is obviously a completely different set of social rules in real life than there is in Bloglife.  For instance, that phrase that I choked back is one that I have often put on people’s websites.  It’s too bad that kind of honesty isn’t appreciated in real life.  And second (more importantly), I realized that now that I am not so insecure about myself, I can see and appreciate the beauty all around me.  I think when all you’re thinking about is whether people think you look fat or whether they are judging you or how uncomfortable you feel, it doesn’t leave much room for taking a look outside of yourself.  When I had to get ready to go to this tea at the last minute I realized one more thing.  Because all of my stuff to get ready/pretty is at work, I had to improvise and make do as best as I could.  The good thing is that because I’m not so worried about making sure people don’t notice my fat, I didn’t have to go to such extremes to be presentable.  I like to think I looked alright.

Bracelet ~ As I was getting ready last night and looking for a particular necklace, I came across a jewelry box that I hadn’t opened in a very, VERY long time.  Thinking I would take a peek, I found a gold box-link bracelet in there and tried it on.  I haven’t worn this bracelet in over 10 years and now I refuse to take it off!

Boy Update ~ I’ve been very strict with myself lately,about spending too much time thinking or dwelling or writing about this subject, but I thought I would give you an update since it was the topic of some fairly major posts.  The guy is back in our facility fulltime dayshift as of this past Tuesday.  It’s still early yet but it’s actually not going too badly.  He pretty much refuses to acknowledge my existance when there are other people around and some of the comments he makes (maybe on purpose, maybe not) are so ridiculous that it is not hard to walk away (and shake my head as I go).  Today was the first day all week that he came to talk to me (besides Tuesday when there was an attempt at a hug) and it was to tell me that he decided that because of all my hard work, I should get a company jacket.  After trying on the jacket and then picking out the color I wanted, I went back to my desk and had alarm bells go off in my head.  Never before had he cared that I was ‘rewarded’ for everything I did for him, so why now?  Perhaps it’s a bit of paranoia on my part but I think that he doesn’t like the new situation, doesn’t know how to approach me anymore (I think I might be coming off as a bit standoff-ish) and thinks that giving me gifts is going to put everything to rights again.  I’m a bit torn though because our production manager mentioned it to me later that day and said to make sure that the boys order me a girl’s jacket.  Plus, I could really use a jacket that fits, my pink Liz Claiborne spring trench is not really appropriate at this time of year.  So is it something that I should accept?  Or a potential ‘bribe’ hanging over my head for the months to come?  Opinions please.

Quote ~ I wanted to share this quote with you that I saw driving home last night:  “One great reason for doing the right thing today is tomorrow“.  Do you think that’s true?  Off base?  I can’t tell you how many times over the years that I thought about losing weight and then 2 or 3 months later some event or function would come up and I would have to find something to wear for it.  And the resounding thought in my head had always been:  “If I would have just started and stuck to this XX months ago, I would be thinner by now”.  And then I would get pissed off and upset and disgusted with myself and not go to the thing.  I realize now that the mindset I had at the time was a recipe for disaster, right from the get-go.  For me to want to do this for an event or a boy or a vacation just wouldn’t work.  Looking good for those things has to be one of the side benefits.  Because when that event or vacation is over or the boy is gone, all the reason for the effort goes with it.  I had to find a reason for the effort that was more deeply seated than that.  And now, should this blind date happen (the ball is currently sitting in my court) I will be pleased with myself and nervous for the date instead of disgusted with myself and worried about what the boy is going to think.  My final thought?  There is no guarantee that tomorrow will come.  You have to do whatever it takes to respect yourself today.  My opinion?  That quote is completely off base.

Hungry ~ This week, even though I am eating the same stuff as last week and the one before (and the 11 before that), I am absolutely STARVING by the time I’m walking home.  Since I started this, I have not had hunger pangs like this.  I even tried moving my afternoon snack up closer to the time I walk home, but all that happened was that I was starving on the train.  Wednesday when I was walking home I was so hungry I felt a little sick to my stomach.  The only thing that kept me going was the thought that if I have no food in my body to provide energy, my body will have to energize off of fat stores.  Now, I realize that is not good thinking on my part but it was only to get me over the bridge without falling down.  I am trying to fight off some type of cold/sore throat/cough right now so I’m wondering if my body is burning more fuel trying to do that?  Now that I’ve been at this for awhile and have come to understand what is real hunger and what is emotionally driven, I am eating as required.  I still mark it down and count it up but I refuse to let myself suffer that kind of tummy discomfort when I could just eat a banana and feel better instantly.  That said, I do also realize that if it is because I’m trying not to get sick, then microwave popcorn (and the like), while it may switch off the hunger, will not assist in my defenses against whatever is going on.  Thoughts?

Recipe of the Week ~ Still not fixed.  But I’ve put up a new recipe for you in the same way that I have all the weeks previous.  I’ve done just the sauce in the recipe because you can put it on whatever type and amount of meat that you have points for.   

UPDATE!!!!!  My WLTIPS interview is posted.  Go HERE to read.  I’m pretty impressed with it, if I do say so myself!  The WLTIPS webserver is a bit sketchy so if it doesn’t load for you right away, try again in a bit.

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9 Comments

  1. Bev said,

    December 6, 2007 at 10:17 pm

    WLTIPS interview – excellent
    Hungry – your body might be trying to stay warm and heal itself, both require more calories
    Quote – tell more about ‘the ball is in your court’, what’s next?
    Boy Update – he is merely the ‘stock boy’, upper management has deemed you to have a coat, therefore you will have one and owe no one
    Bracelet – does it have significance? Who gave it to you?

  2. mousearoo said,

    December 7, 2007 at 5:40 am

    your progress pics are great – you’re a beautiful woman and an inspiration 🙂

  3. hilary said,

    December 7, 2007 at 6:08 am

    I say take the coat and the guy can go fuck himself! Bwah! You deserve the coat and just ignore any privileges he thinks a damn jacket might bestow on him!

    I think I’m just feeling overprotective of you ;). I’m glad you’re realizing how naturally gorgeous you are, btw!

    Regarding the hunger pangs, one thought I had was adding a bit more fat to your afternoon snack, such as peanut butter or walnuts or almonds. Something to really “stick to your stomach.” Take care of yourself, lady! I am home sick today, trying to banish a cough and give myself a little TLC. So hopefully I’m practicing what I preach, a little bit anyway.

    I want to see a pic of your rediscovered bracelet :).

  4. December 7, 2007 at 7:36 am

    Boy sounds iffy to me. Bracelet sounds cool.

    I get hungry a lot, so, I’m no help there other than to suggest you add non-high caloric comforting stuff (like soup) and see if that bit of an addition works to soothe the “coming down with” thing and the hunger simultaneously.

    As far as the saying, I think it’s a good one, but not in the way you took it. I take it to mean that you do the right thing TODAY because then you have no regrets TOMORROW. In other words, as you get older and you look back, you skip having the regrets over things you did that you knew you shouldn’t.

    I know I regret not tackling the weight issues when I was younger and my body could metabolize more effectivey and bounce back with more elasticity.
    😦

    Still, I do think the saying applies. When I look back with regret, it’s often about nOT doing something right or doing something wrong that I wish I could erase. But you can’t go back. You have to live with that regret.

    Anyway, off to read your interview.

    The Princess

  5. ladybeams said,

    December 7, 2007 at 11:32 am

    About being hungry, I agree with Bev. Your body burns more energy just trying to keep warm, let alone if you’re coming down with something.
    Congrats on the bracelet. I have a couple I have had to set aside that used to be loose!
    On the coat- I agree. I would take it, especially if you need it or want it. Just because he may think it may bring him privilages in the future, is no reason you have to feel that way. I’d consider all gifts overdue payment. LOL. Besides, it sounds like it was more management’s decision, even if he would like to take credit for it.(Just like him, isn’t it?)

  6. Marueze said,

    December 7, 2007 at 5:11 pm

    Great interview!

    I’m in agreement with the other ladies, take the jacket! you wrote that you could use it. It is a company perk, not something coming from him like a gift certificate, etc. or of a personal nature.

    Also, in agreement that your body has a kicked up metabolism now and may need a slightly more substantial snack than a piece of fruit. Maybe something with protein and/or fat. Like a peanutbutter on an apple or an apple with a slice of lowfat cheese.

    Enjoyed your quote – I think that after 9/11 sometimes people are thinking in the frame of mind that – live today because tomorrow may not come. But many times I have felt such as you have as to why didn’t I just stick to this and I would have stayed thinner. Sometimes we are like little boats in the sea of life and no matter how we steer our vessel the greater force takes hold of us.
    So yes as you know you need a plan and even a back up plan.

    Don’t worry about being wordy…. that is the purpose of the blog to write.

    It appears that you have some steady readers so you must be doing something right.

    I also worry about babbling on in the comments myself. 🙂

    As for your telling a newly acquired acquaintance that they are beautiful…Consider that a gift because too many people hold their cards to close to their chest and don’t let people see their own beauty.

    Anyway who doesn’t like to hear such a wonderful compliment as that they are beautiful.

    Your candor is refreshing.

  7. pantrypuff said,

    December 8, 2007 at 8:39 am

    I am always telling strangers they have beautiful eyes or whatever. It seems to freak them out but I think they are secretly very very pleased 🙂

  8. December 8, 2007 at 11:36 pm

    […] Still here, and still rockin’!  You are so FABULOUS, Lady Shanny! […]

  9. hilary said,

    December 9, 2007 at 10:37 am

    Okay, Shanny, time for another post :). I am badly in need of a dose of your no-nonsense, articulate sensibility.


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