A Much Needed Break

Today was lovely.  Last night after walking home (the hardest one yet), grocery shopping, driving to work to pick up my stuff and then coming home and unpacking groceries, I was exhausted.  The new routine definitely took its toll on me physically and mentally, but today I took the entire day to renew and re-energize.  I napped, played with my bird, watched hockey, watched a movie and made chili.  Tonight I have hockey at 9:30.  I saved one point to have a soy latte when I get home to warm up before bed.  I’m looking forward to it.

When I wasn’t napping or brain smooshing with the movies, I was giving some things some thought.  That dumb movie, Death Becomes Her, was on today.  You know, the one where Goldie Hawn and Meryl Streep take the magic potion to gain permanent youth and become beautiful and thin again?  Anyway, I was thinking about if there was such a potion.  And then, in fine Lady Shanny fashion, my thoughts drifted to the ongoing battle of the weight afflicted.  If there was such a potion that every weight afflicted person could take, would that be a good idea?  I think, no.  I think that the requirement of effort and struggle and learning are all so important.  I think that without going through the actual actions, we don’t really get to learn who we are and what drives us.  And then I wondered about people who have never had to deal with weight issues.  Are we better off for the struggle?  Are they better off for not having had to struggle?  I have to say, I am glad for the struggle.  I’m glad for the accomplishments that I’ve made and that are coming.  I’m thankful that I am figuring out my triggers.  I’m happy that I am laying the groundwork for the rest of my life.  And I’m grateful for all the people I have supporting me here on this blog and in real life.  Without this journey, I wouldn’t have found the bloggsters (who I love so much) or grown my relationships with the real life people who are so amazing.  So, magic potion?  No thanks.  I’ll do it myself.

The other thing that I was thinking about was something that I was talking about with a couple of guys at work last night.  The idea that those two had (and that they live by) was to be completely disciplined, Monday to Friday, and then relax dietary restrictions on the weekend, not to a ridiculous extent, but to have something to look forward to, food-wise.  I agree with what they are saying but I don’t feel that I want to apply that to myself just yet.  First of all, it has only been 7 weeks.  Second, I still have a lot to lose.  The Weight Watchers system is both flexible and structured.  It’s flexible in that you can pretty much eat whatever you like, but the structure comes in when you have to account for what you’re eating in points.  The reason that I chose Flex over Core is that I don’t control my portions very well or make particularly decent choices (obviously) and I need the boundaries set for each day.  Without that, it’s too easy for me to get out of control, especially being an emotional eater.  Because this whole thing is fairly new and I have quite a bit to lose, I need that number to be lower every Tuesday night.  I don’t get on the scale at any other time so that number tends to mean a lot.  The boys were talking about once the weight is all gone that the main journey is over and it can be hard to avoid burnout because you still have to be doing the same things, you just don’t get to see lower numbers or smaller waist sizes.  I get that.  I know that once the weight is gone and I’m not seeing change every week I’m going to struggle with why I’m doing it.  I will have a hard time not losing sight of the reasons.  And that’s where I think the “Monday to Friday” theory will be very effective.  When maintaining a weight loss, that little bit of weekend splurging won’t show up on the scale.  Following the program 75% of the time will be perfectly effective in maintaining.  But because I’m actively losing, I don’t want to give up those other two days as potential weight losing days.  One of the boys said that at some point, I have to be able to eat, in moderation, the stuff that I really, REALLY love or otherwise I’ll never be recovered, that I’ll always be scared of certain foods.  I totally agree.  But I don’t want to take that test right now because while I do enjoy the foods that I am eating on a daily basis, they are cleaner and healthier.  I feel that I’ve purged out all the crap and toxins that my previous eating habits deposited and I don’t want to add any back in.  I also don’t want to get one taste of something and then decide that the cleaner, healthier food is dull.  That said, I think I probably could test myself right now and be successful, but why add any extra difficulty at this point?  Also, as mentioned, I don’t want to waste any of the weight losing days.  The pleasure in the little splurges does not outweigh the pleasure I get in seeing that number be lower every week.  I need to be doing everything I can to get this done.  I am impatient and results oriented.  I know that to be healthy, I need to continue to be doing this properly.  So because this process is inherintly slow, I cannot fathom slowing it down even more at this point by eating off the program on the weekend.  The day will come when that will be perfectly acceptable.  Today is not that day.  So boys?  Let’s agree that you’re right, but that I’m not there yet.  M’kay?

PERSISTENCE, NOT PERFECTION

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5 Comments

  1. desperatewriter said,

    October 27, 2007 at 10:00 pm

    You are such an inspiration! I don’t know though, in one way, I kinda wish I didn’t have the struggle. But I see what you mean about appreciating the accomplishment. I didn’t appreciate it as much as I should have before. Once, on a clinic diet, I lost 130 lbs. But I didn’t go through the same kind of retraining that WW does for us. So I didn’t teach myself how to live right. Logically, I knew what I could do, but it didn’t click with the emotional eating. So I gained it all back plus. Talk about feeling like a failure!

    And you know, I haven’t felt deprived at all on WW this time. I think that’s SOOO important.

  2. October 28, 2007 at 12:15 am

    […] Lady Shanny, that’s a quote I need to remember! You’re doing GREAT! […]

  3. Bev said,

    October 28, 2007 at 12:19 am

    I think once you are close or at your desired weight, you won’t need the motivation of the scale, to see the number going down. Your motivation then will be how you feel, how you look, the physical changes that you see every day. That, rather than the scale will keep you on track. And by then you will have retrained yourself about food, learned more about your relationship with food and appreciate how much better you feel eating healthy.

  4. twinsunplus1 said,

    October 28, 2007 at 6:06 am

    I agree with Bev. The motivation will be the lifetime acheivement and how you look each day.

    Part of the beauty of WW is the behavior modifcation which comes along with the weight loss. B/c the weight takes more than a few months to come off, we have time to learn the triggers, change our eating habits, learn to think before we eat. It also gives us time to fall down and learn to get back up with out incriminating ourselves.

    Wow, those are some deep thoughts for a weekend. As for your guy friends, you could potentially do what they are saying now (if you felt inclined). Those 35 points make it possible–especially if your WI day is a Friday or early Sat morning. There have been times I’ve used up a big chunk of my week 35 points on Sat night…. Again the beauty of WW is that is teaches you to use food rather than having food use you!

  5. willamina said,

    October 29, 2007 at 5:24 am

    “I think that without going through the actual actions, we don’t really get to learn who we are and what drives us. And then I wondered about people who have never had to deal with weight issues. Are we better off for the struggle? Are they better off for not having had to struggle?”

    You know, this is something I’ve grappled with for many years—not so much just in relation to weight issues, as in relation to life issues. And I’ve come to realize (most of the time, I try anyways) that many people have struggles that we aren’t even aware of, although it may not have to do with their weight. These issues have brought them every bit as much heartache as our weight has brought us.

    Not that I want to be happy that other people have had to go through shitty times, but it makes them more relatable, less easy for me to resent and be jealous of. Most of the time I am able to see how my difficult times have made me who I am . . . which is great . . . on those days when I *like* who I am.

    Are we better off? I don’t know. But I do agree that we come to know ourselves much better and become more self-aware through our trials and tribulations, weight-related and otherwise.


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