Annoyed or Selfish?

(Penguin Reviews updated)

If you don’t know me in person, you may not know.  This is the third season that I have been involved with a beer league hockey team.  It’s my social circle, mostly.  I knew one guy on the team and he invited me to come watch a game one weekend (Thanksgiving 3 years ago, actually).  The rest is history.  The boys are great (these are the boys, that when I missed a bunch of games last year during my ‘dark time’, called to check on me).  Anyway, the reason that I enlighten you is this.  I go every weekend.  I look forward to it.  Most times I will allow myself some WW points to have a drink with the boys after the game.  But it’s the hockey that I go for.  So when one of the player’s wives called me today and asked me if I would help her watch her kids during the game, I was kind of annoyed.  Her children are 3 and 5, both are autistic and one has ADHD.  They are wild!  I couldn’t say no to her because she really was putting herself out there in asking for help.  But these games are something that I look forward to all week.  It’s great to be able to stand there and cheer and yell for people you know.  And watching a 5 year old autistic boy does not leave much time for cheering or yelling.

So I guess my question is this.  Should I be annoyed?  Annoyed because she knows how much I enjoy watching the games?  Annoyed that she didn’t bring snacks or toys for them (the game was right at dinner time) and that I didn’t get to see any of the goals (or fights) because I was chasing a kid that wasn’t mine?  Should I be annoyed?  Or is it selfish of me to have wanted to see her (I quite like her) and just watch a hockey game?  Is it selfish that I don’t have kids and as such I can (and expect to) pretty much do whatever I want, whereas she can’t?  Is it selfish that I wanted my own enjoyment without having to take her and her kids into consideration?

Which is it?  Where is the balance between making sure that I get what I want (to some degree) in my choices and being happy with myself, or putting someone else’s desire above my own?  Where is the balance between being a nice person or being taken advantage?

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5 Comments

  1. twinsunplus1 said,

    October 14, 2007 at 6:19 am

    To me, it would depend what she was doing while you were chasing a child around. We do need to allow ourselves to be selfish now and then…it is when it becomes an all or nothing thing, that it becomes harmful.

    The balance between any extremes is a hard edge to walk. Good luck with coming to grips with your feelings about it. For me one time is being a nice person. Over and over again is being taken advantage of….

  2. Lady Shanny said,

    October 14, 2007 at 6:55 am

    Thanks Twinsunplus1. I like the idea of once being nice and over and over being taken advantage of. I was leaning more towards me being selfish because it was just one game and it is really hard on her to be a stay at home mom with two autistic kids. I was bemoaning my own stress level though, with working so hard at this journey that I definitely deserved to get to watch the game.

    I’m a little gunshy about ever getting to the point again where someone else’s desires and needs outweigh my own and then having to go down this long and bumpy road of teaching the other person that they don’t win everytime, after they are already used to it and expecting it.

  3. willamina said,

    October 14, 2007 at 10:21 am

    I agree that twinsunplus1’s advice is spot on: “For me one time is being a nice person. Over and over again is being taken advantage of….”

  4. katapilla22 said,

    October 14, 2007 at 6:01 pm

    Hi Shanny, although it may seem I have been absentee because of no comments…I have been keeping up with the posts!

    I don’t think this is selfish of you for wanting this time for yourself. I too would be somewhat annoyed. Sometimes we reluctantly do nice things for friends, because they are our friends which is great, so long as this generosity is not taken advantaged of as mentioned before. In my experience, a lot of parents are so darn busy that some of them can’t imagine why a single person might actually be busier than them. Yes, a single person has no kids to run after, but that is a choice each one makes. You work hard everyday at your job and at the whole weight loss plan…and when the weekend comes you need to unwind, and no one can fault you for wanting that.

  5. Lady Shanny said,

    October 14, 2007 at 6:08 pm

    Hi Katapilla! Nice to see you! Thanks for the comment. I think also, that my friend doesn’t understand that while I do want kids eventually, I’m not so desperate for contact with children that I want to look after hers on demand. As a single woman of child-bearing age, people assume that you are itching for the chance to play with or look after kids, no matter what the circumstance.


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