I had no intention of posting again today, but I’m having a rough evening.  Tomorrow is weigh-in day.  The first one in my journey and I really want to be successful.  I really want to know that this is working.  I’ve put alot of effort into this past week and yet the fear that I will not have lost this week is overwhelming!  So much so that I started to consider (subconciously) self-sabotage.  I ate all my points today and then when I was relaxing on the sofa, all I wanted to do was eat.  So I ate 3 points over and above what I normally get in a day.  Not a huge deal, but it feels a bit like a failure.  I know logically that they give you 35 weekly bonus points specifically for that, but I used them in the effort of self-sabotage, so now all I feel is guilt.  Subconciously (is it subconcious after you’ve figured out you’re doing it?) I figure that if I’m not down tomorrow, I can blame it on tonight.  I know it’s silly.  I want to win.  I want to rock this journey.  So why do I do things like this?  It’s very frustrating and disheartening, and to be quite honest, it makes me feel like a giant loser (and not in the good way).




  1. Tammy said,

    September 11, 2007 at 5:17 am

    You’re not a giant loser, you’re just human! Don’t beat yourself up over it. It happens and you move on. You will win if you let yourself slip up on occassion. Good luck today!

  2. Tarable said,

    September 11, 2007 at 7:36 am

    So you’ve gone 3 whole points into your bonus points reserve??? Listen, I routinely go into my bonus points. Thus far, I have used from 10-15 of the bonus points each week (and I usually spend them on “BAD” things) and I’ve been relatively sucessful so far. That’s what they’re there for after all! Even if you do eat them just for the sake of eating and not because you are STARVING – you are still allowed to do othat.

    Don’t worry. I have no doubt that you are going to have a loss on the scales this week.

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