Lady Shanny Says

 As I was Tag Surfing (wordpress-ers know what that is), I ran across this end of year survey from Laila Yuile.  I wasn’t going to do a year in review type thing, but this one seemed too good to pass up.  Please feel free to take this survey to your own website or do it in the comments here.  I should point out that many of my answers below are focussed on the last 4 months.  I really do have a horrible memory, but more than that, the last 4 months are worth thinking about and the first 8 are not.

LADY SHANNY’S PERSONAL YEAR IN REVIEW

In 2007, I gained:  self-respect, a new outlook, some amazing new friends, my collarbones, a twinkle in my eye

In 2007, I lost:  45 pounds, some old hurt that was holding me back, the need for anti-depressants

In 2007, I stopped:  my negative self-talk, my compulsive eating, thinking that perfection was the only answer, letting apathy take over, publishing to my original website

In 2007, I started:  exercising, healthy eating and the research of such, being honest with myself and others, believing that I deserved more than I was giving myself, making sure that I know that only I have the power to run my life, Lady Shanny Says

In 2007, I was hugely satisfied by: my commitment to myself, the growing success of this website, building and maintaining my social circle, learning to exercise and not hating every second of it

In 2007, I was frustrated by: how often I was getting sick and the severity of each, the lack of attractive clothes in my closet, my inability to get over a particular person, the lack of stability at work

In 2007, I was so embarassed that I: allowed myself to spin out of control, made a spectacle out of myself on a daily basis, didn’t put forth any effort to be a better Lady Shanny, couldn’t see the trees for the forest

Once again, I: bowed to other people’s desires too much, allowed other people’s opinions to govern my behaviour

Once again, I did not: quit smoking, put enough in a savings account, move to an area I would rather live in

The biggest physical difference:  is obviously the great deal of weight that I’ve lost

The biggest emotional difference: is the clarity and knowledge I have now and how I choose to use it, my willingness to be a little vulnerable in certain situations, my growing ability to trust people

Why did I spend even 2 minutes:  rehashing the past, caring so much what other people thought, groaning about things I couldn’t change and ignoring that which I could

I should have spent more time:  reading something other than blogs, being outside when it was warm, being assertive and selling my thoughts and ideas, asking for help when I needed it rather than forcing myself to do it all

My biggest regret:  is how much time I’ve wasted over the last year and those that came before

Next year I’m going to:  well, this one smacks a little too much of resolution so let’s just say that I will continue to “Do the next right thing.”

Good grief!  Is the person in the first picture the same as the person in the last? 

I’m not going to recap the entire year, mostly because I have the worst memory in the history of the world.  And I’m not going to recap the last four months, mostly because that’s what the archives on this site are for.  What I am going to do instead is give credit where credit is due. 

The transformation that you see above was (and continues to be) my own journey, but there are so many people who have made that journey easier to bear.

Tarable ~ I am so grateful for our newfound friendship.  We are different, you and I, in so many ways.  And yet in the stuff that matters, I think we are friend soulmates.  I care so much about you and sometimes I wish that I could take away anything that makes you feel bad.  Since that’s not possible, I can only tell you that I will always be here for you, I will always care what’s going on it your life and I will always be a soft place to land if you need it.  Thank you for all your kind words, for your support, your encouragement and your humor.

Hilary ~ We’ve never met and yet it feels like I’ve known you all my life.  You’re a light in the darkness, sunshine in the rain, a flower in the snow and an angel with all the right words.  Your spirit shines through your writing and it is plain to see that you are so caring and loving and beautiful both in body and heart.

Mareuze ~ Again, you’re someone I’ve never met but am blessed to know.  The comments that you leave are so logical and caring and experienced and they mean the world to me.  You give me pieces of your life and your experiences and that means so much because sometimes I feel that I’ve over-exposed myself on this website.

Carey ~ I don’t need to go there again, but just know how grateful I am for our friendship this past year.

Princess Darcy ~ It’s hard to have someone out there with the same bone structure and the same genes and the same general experiences and know that I wasn’t measuring up to what was possible, that I was letting the negative run my life.  I saw what was possible because of you and I couldn’t lie to myself anymore that what I had created was all that was possible.  It was a hard, sometimes painful lesson to learn.  I want to thank you for always supporting me in whatever and however I was doing.  Your compassion and understanding during my ‘dark time’ last year and your support when I decided to do this was overwhelming.  I know that by ‘relation’, we love and care about each other, but your ability to show that emotion is something that I aspire to. (start putting your name on your comments so people know who you are!)

Mom ~ I know that you’ve always been proud of me no matter what, but your amazement as I change physically and your willingness to comment on it makes me want to keep going.  I know that I don’t always seem appreciative of the comments, but inside my heart is smiling!  You came on the inaugural bridge walk.  You were with me when I got the shoes that changed my exercise world.  You’ve been with me when I was trying to find clothes to wear.  It may seem like such ordinary stuff but it means a lot to me that you are willing to get involved in this journey of mine.

Katapilla ~ You’ve always been such a good friend to my sister and I am honored to get a taste of that for myself.  You’ve been through a lot this year and yet you still find the time to comment and email me.  I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your views and thoughts and opinions on whatever the issue of the moment is.  Oftentimes it’s a point of view that I hadn’t considered or hadn’t yet managed to form into a clear thought.  Thank you!  (my voodoo baby is stitched into the inside of my running jacket!)

Everyone Else ~ Obviously, there are other people that I’ve missed.  Pantrypuff for making me laugh, Buddhabelly for rocking your journey (and for singing me Happy Birthday in the comments!), Krystle for calling me an inspiration.  p4pretention, ladybeams, siggy, mamabearjune, janb, Empress, marieclaude, Carol from Australia, anonymouse, desperatewriter and many, many more!  (if I’ve missed you, I apologize profusely…comment me and I’ll add you to the Super Hero List).  You are all the reason that I keep writing this website.  You are motivation and inspiration and logic and advice and experience.  You have answers when I have questions, you have encouragement when I have doubts.  From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for your support.  Thank you seems so insignificant and small and doesn’t nearly express the gratitude that I have for you.  But thank you is all I have.

Happy New Year, lovely and beautiful people.

Guess what today is?  Monday?  Nope.  New Year’s Eve?  Yes, but no.  Give up?  It’s just another day.  It happens to be a day that lots of people get off work, that lots of people go to parties and most people are up until the wee hours.  So why does this day make people think that they should overhaul their lives?  I have to admit, I’m a little bit guilty of that, in a way.  I’ve always used December 31st and January 1st to re-organize my kitchen and bathroom, clean up the spare room and, a couple of years ago, repaint my living room.  It’s nice to give yourself a fresh start, but making ‘resolutions’ on one day that are supposed to impact your life forever is just silly.  It sets you up for failure because chances are, you haven’t actually given the idea enough thought or made enough of a plan to get it to work. 

Quit smoking?  Great idea.  Lose weight?  I’m with you all the way.  Straighten out your finances?  Probably a good plan.  But to just declare that effective January 1st you are going to start doing all that?  It’s a recipe for disaster and feelings of failure. 

So, how about this year we try something different.  How about this year we do one small thing (like eating more vegetables) and then let that small thing grow into another small thing.  Before long, you’ll have one big thing and it won’t seem torturous or overwhelming.  If you can take your one small thing and really pay attention to it and do it properly, I am willing to bet that before too long you’ll find you’re ready to make another small change.  Your original one small thing won’t be a challenge anymore and you’ll need to add in something else. 

As my New Year’s Eve gift to you, click this link.  GoGo Brooks is her name and she is so smart and intuitive and well-written.  She has a quote up right now: “Do the next right thing” and I think how she explains it may affect the way you look at resolutions and change in general. 

I owe a HUGE, heartfelt thank you to a particular wordpress member, timethief, for responding to my email so quickly and giving me some easy to follow directions on how to repair the Recipe of the Week feature.   I know you guys like that feature and were it not for timethief, it was going to go the way of the do-do bird!

So, go check out the Recipe of the Week page.  And take a look over on the left.  The sidebar is trimmed down substantially now and, I think, looks much cleaner.

While you’re looking to the left, take note of the newest page, Ask Lady Shanny.  That’s the new ‘advice’ column (and in some cases may be ass-vice).  This website is starting to get a LOT of traffic, so I’m hoping that will be a fun column to do with lots of participation from you, the readers.  I’ve set it up for Saturdays since the weekends can be a little dull in blog-land.  The box that you type your question into will have it sent directly to my email box.  Easy peasy!

And finally, I changed the name of the website.  Instead of Down, Down, Down (which I never liked), it is now called Lady Shanny Says.  I think that title is a little more indicative of this website.  This website is all my thoughts and bitches and opinions, so I figured the title was fitting.  If you have me linked on your website, the link will still work.  You may want to change the name in your blogroll to the new title, but if you don’t, not to worry.

Also, perhaps most importantly, I turned off the snow feature.  You’re welcome!

UPDATE:  I’ve re-ordered the sidebar.  Also, because I couldn’t stand listening to his whining anymore, I’ve put in a link on the left hand side where you can send Penguin an email or suggestions for a review.  He is very happy now.

Alright, this is getting ridiculous!  3 days since I’ve posted?  I thought I would just let you know that I’m still here.

I’ve put a little update on the About the Writer page, complete with a new picture. 

Here’s the website plan for the next couple of days.

1.  Recipe of the Week.  Yes, yes.  I know I’ve been telling you that I was going to fix that for awhile now, but I actually am.  Or I’m going to get pissed off and just delete it all.  Cross your fingers that the coding goes well!

2.  New column.  I was asked if I would do an ‘advice’ style column.  I’m not sure what kind of response I’ll get, but we’ll give it a whirl.  It’ll be called “Ask Lady Shanny” and although I’m not a doctor, nutritionist or expert of any kind, I do have opinions and thoughts on just about everything. 

3.  Name Change.  I’ve never loved the name of this website and so it will be changing.  The URL will stay the same and any links that you have on your blog roll coming here will still work.  I’ll let you know when I’ve changed it.

That’s about it.  So if you subscribe to this website via RSS, you’re probably going to see a tonne of ‘updates’ over today and tomorrow while I do all this.

The results page is updated.  I only lost 0.6 this week but what with the enormous loss last week, I’m not that surprised.  Plus it was the holidays, so I’m alright with that.  Next week will be better.

It’s snowing here again right now.  Here, let me show you….can you see it?  Right there…on the screen!

I just got back from a going-away lunch for our production manager.  He gave his notice last week and has decided to accept a job offer and move to the eastern side of our country.  I’m so sad to lose him, knowing that I will likely never see him again.  More so, I’m sad for our supervisors.  They’ve lost a really good boss, someone who backs them up, has good ideas and fights for them.  Time will tell how this is all going to work out.

I’m off to snuggle under my electric blanket and take a long winter’s nap watch my backup team (NHL) play on tv, which I NEVER get to see, living here on the west coast, knowing that it’s snowing like crazy out and I don’t have to leave the house until tomorrow morning.

Hi there!  How was your Christmas?  Did you have a nice time?  Did you get nice gifts?  Eat good food?  Take a nap?  Are you braving the crowds for the Boxing Day sales?

My answers to the questions above:  Lovely.  Yes.  More than I could have asked for!  Yes.  Yes.  Hell no!

Christmas was a lot of driving around for me, but worth it.  Christmas Eve was spent at my mom’s in Langley with the family plus my sister’s best friend and her boyfriend.  Good food and good company.  Christmas morning was at my sister and her boyfriend’s house, again with the family and this time with the addition of Patrick’s sister.  It was nice to have a different group of people rather than just the 5 of us.  When we finished opening gifts, we went outside to find it was snowing.  We had a white Christmas here on the Lower Mainland, the first one in 10 years.  Driving home from Sister’s was a bit interesting, what with how slippery it was.  It took me two tries to get up the hill to my house and then moments after I walked in the door, my mom phoned and told me dinner was a couple of hours early.  So off I went again, out into the snow.  I figured that when I came home from my mom’s I’d be parking at the bottom of the hill and walking up, but after only a couple of tries again, I made it onto my street.  Turkey dinner was good, although as I’ve said before, it doesn’t really do much for me.  I’d be just as happy having tacos.

After dinner last night my mom figured that I should tell my grandparents what I have been doing as far as diet and exercise goes.  I agreed, thinking that it’s Christmas, everyone is generous of heart and they probably wouldn’t be ridiculous about it.  Plus, some of the gifts that I received probably seemed kind of odd to them and there were some references made over the last couple of days to walking over the bridge and Weight Watchers.  So I bit the bullet and started out by telling them about walking to work.  Their reaction couldn’t have been colder if I’d told them I was planning on running away and joining a lesbian circus.  So in the midst of the akward conversation I decided that I wouldn’t mention WW or how much weight I’ve lost.  I let them think that I was doing the walking to avoid traffic (which I was, originally) and then they launched into a discussion on fuel cost and whether transit fare was cheaper or about the same as the gas I would burn if I drove.  It was very unnerving. 

My mom figures that we’ve chastised them so many times and for so many years about not mentioning food, diet or weight, that they are now gun-shy and not willing to go there.  That’s fine, but I don’t think that’s what it is.  I’m not entirely sure WHAT it is, but they seemed bitter….or sullen….or…I don’t know.  I’m not going to spend any more time worrying about it; it is what it is.  I have enough people in my life who are proud of me and what I’ve done and continue to do, and even if I didn’t, I’m proud enough of myself for a whole parade of people!  My grandparents never will understand that weight loss is not just about the loss of fat.  It’s about finding who I am under a protective shield and then letting that shield go.  It’s about allowing myself to be a little scared but to keep going anyway.  It’s about respect and courage and determination in life.  I think it was Tammy who mentioned a twinkle in the eyes in a comment one day.  If it were just about the loss of fat, there would be no reason for a person’s eyes to brighten.  If the eyes are the window to the soul (and heaven knows, my face and eyes give me away all the time) then I think the twinkle has to do with an inner happiness and pride in yourself.

I think I did pretty well over the last couple of days.  I stayed right to basics until Christmas Eve dinner and then had what I wanted, but not to the extreme (several of the recipes were WW anyway).  Christmas breakfast was french toast and the best banana cranberry bread I’ve ever had (I think I’m going to put that one through the recipe calculator and see if I can get the points down) and then Christmas dinner was no problem at all.  I hope to be down tomorrow at weigh-in but we’ll have to wait and see. 

I’m pretty glad that things are getting back to normal. I do much better with structure and a plan.  I’ll zip out to the grocery store tonight and pick up a couple of ingredients to make some turkey recipes and then I have to work until 11:30 tomorrow.  Working all day on the 28th and then off until January 2nd.  I’ll put the weigh-in update on the Results page tomorrow evening.

And finally, here is my gift to you.  You may already have this or you may be as excited about it as I was.  Either way, you can’t return it!  Go HERE for a calculator that allows you to put in ingredients and measurements of a recipe you’re making and then press one button and the program calculates the nutritional information (just like you would see on the side of a package).  The database is HUGE for ingredients; I haven’t found anything yet that wasn’t in there.  If you want to save your recipes that you’ve done, you need to log in/sign up (it’s free) but if you’re just doing it as a one off each time, there is no sign in neccessary.  Enjoy!

Update:  there is now a picture of the trifle on the Black Forest Trifle page under Recipe of the Week. 

It’s been pretty quiet in blog world these days, mine as well.

Yesterday was quiet at work and I ducked out mid-day and meant to come home and relax a little.  I ended up going to my mom’s to wrap presents and didn’t get home until 11:30.  That made 5 days in a row that I didn’t eat dinner before 8pm or get to bed before midnight!

It snowed here this morning so I got up bright and early, ran for 30 minutes on my eliptical (good job ME!) and then got ready and went out to finish up Christmas shopping and buy the ingredients for Christmas Eve.  I’m making Chicken Peanut Dumplings, Black Forest Trifle and Spinach Avacado Dip.  My mom is making a Mushroom Goat Cheese Strudel.  All those are Weight Watchers recipes and they all sound so good.  Depending on how they are, I’ll put them up as Recipe of the Week after Christmas…..or do you want them up now?  Like a Christmas Eve Helper Menu?  Yes?  No?

So my game plan, food-wise over the next couple of days is pretty solid.  I’m sticking to the basics until dinner on Christmas Eve.  Then we have the dishes mentioned above which I should stay pretty much in line with.  Christmas breakfast is at Princess Sister’s house and that’s the one I’m planning to loosen the restrictions on a little.  Turkey dinner at my mom’s and that should be just fine because turkey dinner is not a weakness for me.  Then back to basics on Boxing Day.  Our weekly weigh-in is usually on a Tuesday which is Christmas Day so I’ll be weighing in on the Thursday after Christmas and I expect that I will be down.  I’m still exercising every day and a couple of splurgy meals shouldn’t do me too much harm.  We’ll see.

And that ends the most boring post I’ve ever written!  I’m not sure if I’ll be posting much between now and after Christmas.  I do want to say, from the bottom of my heart, I hope each one of you has a joyeous holiday in whatever fashion you celebrate in.

You guys are great!  Your comments definitely helped me along, although I was hoping for at least ONE joke .

Recipe of the week is updated….black forest trifle!

When people who know me in real life read my blog, I often get told that they can hear me saying the words that they are reading.  I write like I talk…sort of.  What is probably more accurate is that I write in the same ’style’ that I talk.  But actually, writing comes easier to me than talking.  If you do know me in real life you’re probably shaking your head and wondering when the last time I shut up was.  BUT!  When it comes to talking about my feelings everything just freezes up.  The words are there.  I know what I want to say.  I say it in my head beforehand and it sounds pretty good.  But once I’m in the moment, something happens.  I start to blush, the words don’t come out in order and then I get a little panicky and end up not coming even close to what I had in mind.

Case en pointe.  Tonight I dropped my dear friend off a Christmas card and gift.  We got to chatting and the conversation went where I ultimately had hoped it would; to where I could tell this friend exactly how much his support and humor and friendship has meant to me this past year.  I wanted to tell him how his willingness to share his own experiences in both weight loss and life allowed me to learn from his struggle and in turn, share mine.  I wanted to say that I appreciate him putting up with me and my oddities and not making me feel like a jackass.  I wanted to explain how much I value his honesty, even when it’s something that I probably don’t want to hear.  I wanted to tell him that the way he seems to figure out what I’m thinking before I figure it out drives me crazy but also makes me re-examine some things and make better decisions.  I wanted to tell him that there have been several times when I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore and I wanted to just forget the whole thing, and somehow he managed to speak right to my heart and give me back whatever motivation I was lacking.  I wanted to explain that his belief that I deserve better than I was giving myself was a catalyst in my beginning this journey.  I wanted to tell him that his absolute devotion to his family makes me sure that the good guys are out there and that I should not, under any circumstances, settle for less than I deserve.   I wanted to explain how his love for his wife and his willingness to show it makes my heart happy.

I wanted to say all of that, but do you think it would come out?  Ha!  Not exactly.  A small part of it came out, the rest got stuck and then disintegrated. 

I know that the reason that I don’t do well with that kind of thing is that I have never liked appearing vulnerable in front of anyone.  Because I have always avoided those kinds of conversations, I am way out of practice and I get all mixed up.  The blood starts rushing in my head, I can’t get the words to line up and I get hot and uncomfortable.  The desire to say it is there but there is that filter in my head telling me “Don’t show your cards!” and that causes a bit of a conflict that ends up cementing the words in my head with no hope of them coming out in proper order.  I guess, when it’s something that I really want to be right, when I want to make absolutely sure that I get my point across, I will write it.  But I’ll keep practicing the talking thing.  Maybe one day that will come as easily as the writing.

Besides this particular friend, there are so many other people that I want to tribute as well before this year is out.  I understand that all the physical and mental effort has been mine and mine alone to slog through, but there are several of you that are making the journey so much easier and more inspirational and more of a pleasure than a pain.  Tarable, Hilary, Mareuze, Katapilla….I actually realize that I can’t list everyone or we would all be here for days.  But there is going to be a post coming and I will list you all.  I am forever grateful!

I am so tired I could cry! 

This morning after I had all my gear on to walk to work and I sat down to put my shoes on, I just couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t find one ounce of energy or stamina to walk.  I felt like a bit of a shit, considering that after today I won’t be working/walking until January 2nd.  I have plans to dust off my eliptical and still get some exercise over the holidays because I have to, but for today I drove. 

I was hoping that by the time I got ready and got going through the day that the tired would wear off.  Sadly, it has not. 

I think it’s the combination of the errand running and the massive weight loss last week and the upcoming stress that’s doing it.  But knowing what the reason is doesn’t make me feel any better.  I would pay money right now to just put my head down and go to sleep.  Please? 

Tonight I have to make trifle for tomorrow and I have to find some clothes to wear.  To be honest, there is no difference in frustration when you can’t find something that fits whether it’s from all your clothes being too small or all your clothes being too big.  It doesn’t matter, I still have nothing to wear.  So I have to go shopping, which I HATE and have already done a year’s worth of in the last week.

Help!  Tell me a joke in the comments….something, ANYTHING to get me through the rest of this day!

You can go check out the results page, it’s been updated… 

Today was a pretty good day, overall.  There was a sketchy hour or so close to the end of the day where I needed to make, what I think, was a milestone decision.  I had to decide once and for all whether I was done with the old ways.  To be truthful, I didn’t know which way I was going to go until I made the phone call.  It was almost like I closed my eyes and jumped without knowing if there was going to be someplace soft to land.  What I think I knew in my heart was that if I couldn’t walk away on today, of all days, then a little piece of me might always be trapped in the past. 

I thought this morning about whether I should treat myself and drive to work or walk but I decided that I wanted to start the next year of my life on the right foot, so off I walked.  I’m so glad I did because the walk home this evening was so soul refreshing.  It was misting like crazy and then about halfway the mist turned into big, sloppy raindrops.  When I started out tonight, I took a deep breath, turned my iPod down and walked face up into the rain.  I walked away from all the mistakes and nonsense and fat and heartache of this last year.  I consiously shed each one of the those things with every step I took.  I was walking fairly slowly and concentrating on letting the cool air and the rain wash it all away for a fresh start.  As I got further into the walk I realized that I had sped up considerably and it turned from walking away from things to walking toward something completely different.  I walked toward all my goals and a future of my own design.  I walked toward everything that I deserve.  Maybe that all sounds cheesy to you, I’m not sure.  What I do know is that I feel like a million bucks right now!

Actually, after I typed that title I thought what a good idea it would be to write myself a letter summarizing this past year.  But, no time for that right now.  What I meant the title for, was this:

Happy Birthday, to me

Happy Birthday, to me

Happy Birthday, dear Shanny

Happy Birthday, to me

I went to the hockey game last night and I was hoping for a birthday kiss from a certain right winger who shall remain nameless but who is an incredibly hot firefighter.  Mr. Firefighter got pretty seriously injured though in the last period and he was CRABBY!  But, when I went into the dressing room afterwards I did get a pretty nice shirtless (and pants-less, I might add) view of the towel-clad hottie. 

OK….dirty thoughts aside.  The boys gave me the game puck (we won), sang to me and there were various birthday hugs and a variety of birthday kisses (some more welcome than others!).  What I have NOT gotten is very much sleep.  I didn’t get home until 1am and then I had to spend a bit of time warming my frozen limbs before I could sleep. 

And now I have to go and get ready for my birthday walk to work.  Tonight is the birthday waste audit at work and then birthday weigh-in tonight.    Just in case you were wondering, everything gets prefaced with ‘birthday’ today; like my birthday cereal and banana and my birthday coffee and the minor birthday hang-over I’m nursing right now.

I’ll be back tonight with my birthday weigh in results. 

This comment was left by my mom:

Oh, I think it’s more than just a SLIGHT difference. I know you talk about what you’re doing and how you’re doing it and how you feel, but in a few words, what do you think when you compare the first picture with the last picture?
Even though I see you fairly regulary, it still makes me do a double take.

Are you kidding me?  When is the last time I was able to explain something in a few words?   

It’s funny the things that come up at the same time.  I was on the phone with a dear friend at the time that my mom must have been writing that comment and we were talking about the exact same thing.   I just spent the last 30 minutes flipping back and forth between the pictures, trying to figure out how to answer the question she posed. 

In one way, I don’t recognize the person in the first picture.  She’s unhappy and unhealthy and fat.  In other ways, I know there is no difference between the first and last picture.  I’m still the same person.  I still have some of the same fears and doubts and triggers and emotions that I had 4 months ago.  What is completely different is how I handle those now.  As I was driving to my b’day brunch this morning I was thinking about getting older, and what I thought is that I am not only getting older, I’m getting wiser and healthier and smarter and more in tune with who I am and what I want.  And that makes me prettier both on the inside and the outside.  I remember the last couple of years, being so miserable around my birthday, thinking that my life was spinning out of control and that getting older was just adding to the turmoil.  This year though, I have a completely different outlook.  I’m not best pleased about turning 29, but I do know that I am doing the best for me that I possibly can and that is a wonderful feeling because as long as I have that nailed down I can handle whatever else comes. 

I thought about if the current Shanny could sit down and explain to the old Shanny how terribly she was letting things spin out of control.  I thought about whether the old Shanny would have listened or whether she would have put up her defenses and walked away.  I can almost guarantee you the latter.  In looking at that picture, and I’ve looked at it for a very long time, I can see the resistance and the denial that saturated me.  I can see how unhealthy I was in heart and body.  It’s actually a little hard to look at but in the same vein, I have to look at it.  I can’t just pretend that it didn’t happen.  With so many things in life, pretending they don’t exist is just another way of telling yourself lies and lieing about how I let that happen is a surefire way right back down that road.

While talking to this friend on the phone tonight he was telling me, in a very honest way, just how far off track I had gotten.  And while none of what he was saying was any surprise, I was slightly taken aback that anyone had noticed.  I guess when you’ve lost all respect for yourself and YOU don’t even notice you anymore, you figure that no one else does either.   You wish yourself invisible and do all sorts of stuff to try and distract people from your appearance.  That was a big fear when I started this because I didn’t want to lose my personality.  What I realize now is that my ‘personality’ was a bit over the top.  I’m still the same person but everything, including how I behave, has been finessed a little.  When you don’t need to distract people, you can just sit back a bit more and relax.

4 months ago you couldn’t have convinced me I would have come this far in the journey.  Hell, you wouldn’t have convinced me that I would be ON this journey.  I’m interested to see what the next 4 months brings.   So far in the journey I’ve managed to eliminate every single health issue that I had, from severe skin issues to restless legs to depression.  I’ve also managed to increase my fitness level (on a side note, in the mall today we zipped up two flights of stairs from the parkade to get to the main floor of the mall and I realized that I wasn’t out of breath and didn’t dread doing it.  In fact, it was nothing, a non-event.  4 months ago I didn’t want to walk around at all, let alone run up two flights of stairs) and go out of my comfort zone in ways I never could have imagined.  Bring it baby, I’m ready for the next stage!

Journey in Pictures is update, as promised.  I don’t love the picture, but you can see a slight difference between that one and the previous one.

I have some more pictures that I’ll link a little later, but for now I’m off for a nap.

UPDATE:  OK, no nap to be had…yet.  But you can click HERE to go see some pictures from this morning’s b’day brunch.

UPDATE #2:  Below is a picture of the GORGEOUS b’day present that I got from my sister.  It says “the good life is how you live it” in case you can’t quite read it.  It’s an original design by a local artist and I love it.   You can go here to see more of her work.

Sorry for the lack of decent posts.  It’s that time of the year and I’m running out of time.  Today I’m driving to work because I have to get some stuff done after work and truth be told, I just don’t have time to walk home, get changed, drive back to work to pick my stuff up and then do what I have to do (I’ve put myself in this situation by waiting until the last minute because I was hoping that Christmas was cancelled…).  It’s alright though.  I looked back at my chart and I’ve only walked 4 days a week for the last month and it seems to still be working alright.  I’m going to make a new goal over the Christmas break to increase the intensity of the exercise by doing interval running training.  But for this morning, it’s all about the car.

Tomorrow morning my mom and twin sister and I are going out for breakfast.  In our family, we don’t do birthday presents or cake or anything unless it’s a milestone birthday.  Instead, we get to go out for a meal to somewhere great.  I am not a huge ‘eater-out’ and I never have been, even before this journey started, so I’m looking forward to it.  We’re going to Tomato Cafe in Kitsilano and the menu looks fantastic!  Then Sister and I are going to do some shopping and errands.  Sunday afternoon is the blind date at 1pm.  More on that in another post.

Monday evening the boys play hockey so I’ll be there after the game for some birthday tailgating.  And then Tuesday, my actual birthday is my 16th week weigh-in.

So with all that laid out, you can see that I might not be posting regularly until after Tuesday.  I do promise to put a new Journey picture up after Saturday for you and of course you’ll get the regular Results post on Tuesday evening.  Anything else on top of that will just be icing….

I also have some new ideas for the website for next year that I’ll be working on over the break.  So don’t worry, I’ll still be around.  If you need some holiday success tips, go HERE.  BuddhaBelly has done a GREAT post on some useful tips to help you through the holidays.

(Wow, just reading this post now and it is REALLY random.  Evidentally, I didn’t make even the slightest effort to get it to flow from section to section….good luck!) 

From the moment that I stepped foot onto the bridge this morning, the day went into a tailspin.  There was a minor incident on the bridge this morning (so minor, in fact, that I am hesitant to even call it an incident).  A friend had something yucky happen in her family this past weekend which brought up some rather unpleasant memories for me of some stuff that happened almost 10 years ago.  And then there was the incident on the bridge this morning which didn’t really help the whole thought process of the last couple of days (yes, I know I’m being all cryptic and weird, but that’s all you’re getting for now).  ANYWAY, the day started out sucky.  I spent the first 3 hours putting out fires and pacifying whiners and stroking egos (my LEAST favourite thing to do). 

Then, around lunchtime, someone who used to work with us came to the plant and we went for a little walk over to the new casino (crappy, shoddy, slapped together and ugly, by the way) and then went for coffee.  As much as I don’t like the ’supervision’ in my department, my boss is really good for things like that because I didn’t come back for 2 hours and he was totally fine with it.  It was so nice because while I talk to this person all the time and see him every weekend, we rarely get to spend time together one on one (he’s the captain of our hockey team).   I worked until 6:30 tonight and got a lot of stuff cleaned up and then hoofed it home (I’d forgotten how much a person can get done when there is no one else in the office!).  The walk has been really good these past few days.  My back/pelvis/leg issue has pretty much cleared up now that I’ve stopped wearing high heel shoes (and started doing some stretching), and I’ve definitely noticed a marked improvement in my cardio since I started.  Today should have been ’stop at Starbucks Wednesday’ but it was already so late when I left work and I couldn’t really spare the points.  See?  Back to basics!

So now I’m at home, bathed and fed and in jammies.  Tonight will be an early bedtime for me because I haven’t really made up for Monday night when I didn’t get home until past midnight. 

Remember back in THIS post when I mentioned that I had the potential for a blind date?  Well that date is happening on Sunday.  Instead of going for coffee and sitting and staring at each other, I thought we should get out and DO something.  Something that puts both people right out of their comfort zone.  My idea of going ice skating was heavily veto-ed by friends and family alike, so now I’m not exactly sure what we’re going to do.  My thing is that you don’t really get to know a person when you are just sitting there staring at them over a cup of coffee.  It can be uncomfortable and akward so I definitely want to DO something.  There are some ideas in the works.  Mr. Blind Date is supposed to call me at the end of this week to make a firm plan.  I’ll keep you posted.  

That’s pretty much all I have for you this evening.  I’m really tired and itching to go crawl into bed. 

I did want to say welcome to the people today who commented for the first time.  HI!  Nice to see you!  It’s always exciting for me to get comments from everyone, but new commentors are great because you can all see me but I can’t see you.  So, if you’re there and you want to comment but don’t feel like you have anything to say, answer the quick quiz below (Mareuze, I know you like these):

1.  Mayonnaise or Miracle Whip?

2.  Peanut Butter or Cheez Whiz? 

3.  What is one thing that you are really, REALLY hoping to get for Christmas this year?

4.  Getting up early or sleeping in?

5.  Coffee or tea? 

There.  Now you have a reason to comment (not that you ever need a reason!).

To start off, let’s talk about the password protected post.  It’s just one post, not the whole website that was passworded.  It seems that I was a bit cryptic with how to go about getting the password though.  I put my email address as the title of the post and then figured that y’all would just email me for the password.  I guess it sort of worked.  If you still want the password, email me.  If not, don’t worry about it.  It’s nothing life changing or earth shattering, just something I didn’t want floating around unrestricted on the internet. 

Now, this week’s weigh in.  Up 0.4lbs.  What? Yes, the first UP I’ve had in 14 weeks.  And it was only up a teeny, tiny bit.  I wasn’t surprised by the increase but I was still a little disappointed.  Last week’s loss was a little crazy (5lbs) especially because I had thought that I would have had a tiny loss or stayed the same.  Crazy because 5lbs is 17,500 calories and there is NO WAY that I burned off that many calories in one week.  The body is a weird thing, isn’t it?

No worries though.  I think (and this might be me putting a positive spin on it) that a small gain week like the one I just had is not the worst thing in the world.  It re-focusses you and reminds you that if you aren’t putting your best fork forward every day, bad things can start to happen.  Not that I wasn’t doing my best, just that I was coasting a little bit.  I certainly haven’t been feeling any strain in what I’m doing and that’s not really where I need to be.  Without being obsessive and preoccupied about it, I do need to concentrate on what I’m doing and why.  The weight loss doesn’t just happen by itself, it needs hand holding.  This is also why I am a HUGE proponent of weighing in every week.  Skipping the weeks that you think aren’t going to show up all that nicely on the scale is just a silent way of lieing to yourself, and we all know how important it is to at least be honest with yourself.  We all know that, right?  RIGHT???  Right.

So, now I have one week to go before my birthday (which falls on weigh-in day) and I would really like to be down 40 pounds in total on that weigh in.  That means that I have 1.6 to lose next week.  I think it can be done but I’m not going to be mean to me if I can’t quite get there.  I still have quite a long way to go after the 40 and so there will be future weeks that the losses will come if not right this instant.  My body has dropped a considerable amount of weight in a pretty short period and I wouldn’t be surprised if it needs to adjust a bit.  So, there will be no Shanny-slagging here tonight.  There will only be another (perhaps more focussed) recommittment to the coming week. 

“Best of all, Christmas means a spirit of love, a time when the love of God and the love of our fellow men should prevail over all hatred and bitterness, a time when our thoughts and deeds and the spirit of our lives manifest the presence of God.”

Alright, take that quote in whatever way it works for you.  The reason that I put that particular one up is for what it doesn’t say.  It doesn’t say that Christmas means what food you’re going to eat.  It doesn’t say that Christmas means whether or not you’ve decorated your house.  It doesn’t say that Christmas means that you’ve spent a ludicrous amount of money on gifts. 

What it does say is that Christmas is completely a season that is kept in your heart.  In fact, in all the quote databases that I use, I never did find one that mentions Nanaimo bars or buttertarts. 

I do have to say that in the last 5 years I’ve enjoyed far less all the work and planning and listmaking and shopping and cooking.  It is just so much work for what ultimately turns out to be one day.  I’m also reminded more each year of what I don’t have yet.  I find it hard then, to get ramped up for all the add-ons and extras that really just make me a little sad. 

It’s also difficult to watch all the commercials and movies on TV that show the perfect holiday party and the perfect families and the cute kids.  Unless you actually have the life that they are displaying, if you compare yourself to that idea of Christmas, you can feel as though you’ve come up short.  I do, anyway.

Please don’t think that I’m being depressive and cynical about Christmas because I’m really not, I just had some things that I wanted to say about the season in general.

So, as I was sitting here in my cozy clothes with my caramel flavoured coffee (watching football) I was thinking that this is exactly what makes me happy.  I would certainly add in certain things should the opportunity present, but this is pretty close to perfect for me.  I guess maybe I’m simple like that.  And that’s why my Christmas doesn’t need all the extras and adornments and stress.  All that stuff doesn’t really mean anything to me anymore.  Maybe it did at one point, but I suppose I’ve found what makes my heart happy and now I don’t need all the extras to try and find happiness in the season.  I’m already there.

Me?  Wordy?  Really?  teeheehee

I’ll do this in sections.  Just so you know, the sections don’t relate to each other and it won’t flow very well.  Fair warning.

Beauty ~ I went to a Christmas tea at my mom’s house last night.  As I was being introduced to the women that I didn’t know (and re-introduced to the ones that I do know), this phrase just about popped out of my mouth a couple of times: “Oh my God, you are beautiful!”.  Kind of an inappropriate thing to say to someone you’ve never or rarely met, yes?  Anyway, it got me to thinking about a couple of things.  First, there is obviously a completely different set of social rules in real life than there is in Bloglife.  For instance, that phrase that I choked back is one that I have often put on people’s websites.  It’s too bad that kind of honesty isn’t appreciated in real life.  And second (more importantly), I realized that now that I am not so insecure about myself, I can see and appreciate the beauty all around me.  I think when all you’re thinking about is whether people think you look fat or whether they are judging you or how uncomfortable you feel, it doesn’t leave much room for taking a look outside of yourself.  When I had to get ready to go to this tea at the last minute I realized one more thing.  Because all of my stuff to get ready/pretty is at work, I had to improvise and make do as best as I could.  The good thing is that because I’m not so worried about making sure people don’t notice my fat, I didn’t have to go to such extremes to be presentable.  I like to think I looked alright.

Bracelet ~ As I was getting ready last night and looking for a particular necklace, I came across a jewelry box that I hadn’t opened in a very, VERY long time.  Thinking I would take a peek, I found a gold box-link bracelet in there and tried it on.  I haven’t worn this bracelet in over 10 years and now I refuse to take it off!

Boy Update ~ I’ve been very strict with myself lately,about spending too much time thinking or dwelling or writing about this subject, but I thought I would give you an update since it was the topic of some fairly major posts.  The guy is back in our facility fulltime dayshift as of this past Tuesday.  It’s still early yet but it’s actually not going too badly.  He pretty much refuses to acknowledge my existance when there are other people around and some of the comments he makes (maybe on purpose, maybe not) are so ridiculous that it is not hard to walk away (and shake my head as I go).  Today was the first day all week that he came to talk to me (besides Tuesday when there was an attempt at a hug) and it was to tell me that he decided that because of all my hard work, I should get a company jacket.  After trying on the jacket and then picking out the color I wanted, I went back to my desk and had alarm bells go off in my head.  Never before had he cared that I was ‘rewarded’ for everything I did for him, so why now?  Perhaps it’s a bit of paranoia on my part but I think that he doesn’t like the new situation, doesn’t know how to approach me anymore (I think I might be coming off as a bit standoff-ish) and thinks that giving me gifts is going to put everything to rights again.  I’m a bit torn though because our production manager mentioned it to me later that day and said to make sure that the boys order me a girl’s jacket.  Plus, I could really use a jacket that fits, my pink Liz Claiborne spring trench is not really appropriate at this time of year.  So is it something that I should accept?  Or a potential ‘bribe’ hanging over my head for the months to come?  Opinions please.

Quote ~ I wanted to share this quote with you that I saw driving home last night:  “One great reason for doing the right thing today is tomorrow“.  Do you think that’s true?  Off base?  I can’t tell you how many times over the years that I thought about losing weight and then 2 or 3 months later some event or function would come up and I would have to find something to wear for it.  And the resounding thought in my head had always been:  “If I would have just started and stuck to this XX months ago, I would be thinner by now”.  And then I would get pissed off and upset and disgusted with myself and not go to the thing.  I realize now that the mindset I had at the time was a recipe for disaster, right from the get-go.  For me to want to do this for an event or a boy or a vacation just wouldn’t work.  Looking good for those things has to be one of the side benefits.  Because when that event or vacation is over or the boy is gone, all the reason for the effort goes with it.  I had to find a reason for the effort that was more deeply seated than that.  And now, should this blind date happen (the ball is currently sitting in my court) I will be pleased with myself and nervous for the date instead of disgusted with myself and worried about what the boy is going to think.  My final thought?  There is no guarantee that tomorrow will come.  You have to do whatever it takes to respect yourself today.  My opinion?  That quote is completely off base.

Hungry ~ This week, even though I am eating the same stuff as last week and the one before (and the 11 before that), I am absolutely STARVING by the time I’m walking home.  Since I started this, I have not had hunger pangs like this.  I even tried moving my afternoon snack up closer to the time I walk home, but all that happened was that I was starving on the train.  Wednesday when I was walking home I was so hungry I felt a little sick to my stomach.  The only thing that kept me going was the thought that if I have no food in my body to provide energy, my body will have to energize off of fat stores.  Now, I realize that is not good thinking on my part but it was only to get me over the bridge without falling down.  I am trying to fight off some type of cold/sore throat/cough right now so I’m wondering if my body is burning more fuel trying to do that?  Now that I’ve been at this for awhile and have come to understand what is real hunger and what is emotionally driven, I am eating as required.  I still mark it down and count it up but I refuse to let myself suffer that kind of tummy discomfort when I could just eat a banana and feel better instantly.  That said, I do also realize that if it is because I’m trying not to get sick, then microwave popcorn (and the like), while it may switch off the hunger, will not assist in my defenses against whatever is going on.  Thoughts?

Recipe of the Week ~ Still not fixed.  But I’ve put up a new recipe for you in the same way that I have all the weeks previous.  I’ve done just the sauce in the recipe because you can put it on whatever type and amount of meat that you have points for.   

UPDATE!!!!!  My WLTIPS interview is posted.  Go HERE to read.  I’m pretty impressed with it, if I do say so myself!  The WLTIPS webserver is a bit sketchy so if it doesn’t load for you right away, try again in a bit.

Did you think I’d fallen off the planet?  Nope, I’m still here.  Saturday and Sunday were super snowy and I pretty much stayed close to home (except for hockey and the lovely snowy tailgate).  And then?  Bye-bye snow, hello torrential rain.  Being the rather stubborn individual that I am, I decided that I would walk to and from work regardless of the monsoon we were having (and regardless of the fact that I do not own rain gear).  And I got SOAKED!  Monday wasn’t too bad, my clothes dried before it was time to go home.  Today though?  Soaked completely through to the skin.  Hair soaked all the way through my toque and ballcap.  Soaked all the way through my ‘water-resistant’ jacket, through the t-shirt and through the longsleeved technical shirt I was wearing.  3 layers, all soaked.  My soggy pants wicked all the water into my waterproof shoes and through 2 pairs of socks.  Have I mentioned that it was POURING?!  And NONE of the clothes were dry when it came time to walk home.  Fortunately today, I got to walk home with Tarable so it took my mind off the fact that the water that was soaked into my shoes was squishing up between my toes with every step. 

OK, I realize that I’ve passed the point of informative and meandered right on over into whining.  I will end the water-walk-talk by saying two things:

                         It was lovely to walk home with Tarable…even though we agree that the disparity between our leg length means we cannot really be effective exercise buddies.  Plus, during the walk home we saw the most incredible, bright and vibrant rainbow….AND THE SUN CAME OUT FOR 36.3 SECONDS! 

                         I bought a pair of rain pants today.  They are waterproof men’s Coleman pants.  I paid $20 for them and they are as ugly as you would assume men’s rainpants to be.  But I don’t care.  At least I’ll be dry and comfortable.  I didn’t want to spend a tonne of money on nice technical pants because they won’t fit in a short time and that would be a waste (the good stuff is expensive!).  The sucky thing is that the pants I got are a men’s small (who woulda thunk) and they just fit.  So I will be cinching them up and making them work until the end of this winter.  Then next winter I can get the nice, lighterweight ones (maybe in pink?).

Moving on.  There was a bit of a commotion at the weigh in tonight.  I lost 5 pounds this week, which brings my total to -38.8 in 13 weeks (average loss = 2.98 lbs/week).  Everyone wanted to know what my secret was and what I was doing to make this work so well.  Again the WW leader mentioned the laxatives (Marisa, if you’re reading this, stop saying that!) which really bugs me (even though I try to smile at the meeting) because I am working my ass off at this.  I know that other people are working just as hard and perhaps not losing as much.  But everyone’s body is different!  The plan works and if you follow it, your body will lose at a rate which is safe and healthy for YOU!  Apparantly my body is one of the ‘results not typical’ ones.

So I will list a couple of the things that I do that may be helping in my loss.  I don’t know if they work or if they even matter, but I was asked.

                          First, I track.  Every day.  Every meal. 

                          Second.  I always know what I’m going to be eating.  Breakfast and lunch are always set and made ready the night before.  Dinner is usually up in the air, but it will usually be something that I’ve cooked previously and frozen in individual servings.

                          Third.  The water.  I drink AT LEAST as much as they recommend (I’m not even sure what that is anymore).  When I’m feeling a little crappy or under the weather, the first thing I do is drink water and see if that’s what the problem is.

                          Fourth.  The exercise.  I’ve chosen to get 5km (3.1miles) of cardio in every day.  You may not choose that.  You can definitely lose the weight without the exercise but it is going to be slower and things may not end up being as tight and firm as you would like them to be if you don’t try to move around a little.  Exercise is something that I am not comfortable writing about because I know what it’s like to be preached at to ‘just go do it’.  I also know that the actual act of doing it is SO much harder than those preachy people think if it’s something you’ve never done before.  I managed to find something that works for me and my schedule and my life.  I found something that I was comfortable with and where there was no one watching me or judging me or competing with me.  Just me, my iPod, the bridge and the rain.

                          And finally, perhaps more controversially.  I don’t cheat.  Not to say that I don’t indulge, but it goes on the tracker as a food choice.  Nothing and I mean NOTHING gets by the tracker (that said, I do let the mandarin oranges slip by.  You get 2 for 1 point and if I’m hungry and at home, I will have one and call it free…I figure I’m practicing for being a little more lax but still responsible).  The controversial part of this is that people say that that kind of tracking and watching isn’t sustainable.  But I say, why not?  Do you track your expenses?  Do you write in your daytimer or use your email calendar?  Tracking (or keeping track of) your food choices is just something else to keep an eye on.    

So that’s it.  If those little tips help you, then great.  But you have to find a way of living that works for you.  This is a forever plan so forcing yourself to do something for a short period that you have no intention of keeping up is not going to serve you well in the long term.

That’s about it for me.  I’m back to regular posting, I apparantly just needed a couple day’s break.  And be sure to check on Thursday for the recipe.  I haven’t fixed the main recipe page yet, but I will post one for you this week that is SO GOOD! 

Bev et al:  I anticipate having a new “Journey” picture posted the weekend of the 15th of December.  Stay tuned.

Hockey!  In a couple of ways provided me with exactly what I needed to renew my slightly lagging motivation and remind me why I’m doing this.

One of the players is a firefighter and I have made no secret of the fact that I think he’s incredibly good looking.   Unfortunately, Mr. Firefighter has never made any indication that he was the slightest bit interested in me, and he still hasn’t really.  I’m fine with that, but it sure felt fantastic to have him come up to me and tell me how good I look! 

Not that I’m doing this for anyone but myself, but let’s be honest, being attractive to the opposite sex is a pretty worthwhile side perk.  Especially that particular member of the opposite sex. 

Also good for the motivation and inspiration was the weather.  It was so beautiful and snowy and wonderful out while we were tailgating.  I love the snow.  I love the quiet that it brings, I love the flakes collecting on wool jackets and toques, I love the way it looks like jewels falling beneath the street lights.  I just love it and it does something good for my soul.  It also doesn’t hurt that I’ve lost a lot of weight and can now dress in many layers to stay cozy and not look like a giant marshmallow. 

And on a final note before I go get under my electric blanket?  If the snow scares you or you’ve never learned how to handle your vehicle in it, STAY HOME!

It’s snowing here today so I’ve had a lazy, self-indulgent day.  Movies, latte, hockey and mandarin oranges.  I thought I should do something of substance to balance out the laze but I didn’t really know what to write about.  Hilary did the story of her body on her website and while I like that idea, I’m not so much in the mood to do that today.  Pantrypuff did this questionaire on her website so I decided to hijack the idea.  I’ve skipped some of the questions because they don’t apply.

1.  What secret/surprising/personal goal (that is realistically achievable) do you hope to accomplish in the next 15 years?  This goal isn’t so much secret or surprising but it’s definitely personal.  I want to get married and have a family.  That’s it.  That’s the whole thing.  It’s been my goal since before I could remember. 

2.  Can you name an event or a last minute decision that changed the course of your life?  Deciding at 17 that I should move to another province, completely alone.  I would have to say that decision didn’t only change the course of my life but gave me so much trauma and heartache and struggle that I still try and put behind me 8 years later.  I am definitely glad that I did it because I have learned so much about myself and what makes me tick in the years that followed.  But I’m also glad that I never, EVER have to go back.

3.  Who has had the most influence on your life and what did they teach you?  There is no way that I could narrow this down to one person.  There have been so many people that influenced who I am and how I behave that I wouldn’t know where to begin.  I think that everyone you encounter teaches you something about the world or who you are in that world, both good and bad.

4.  Name and describe 3 things on your mind lately.  Christmas shopping and when the hell I’m ever going to get that done.  Weight loss, obviously.  Dating, less obviously but just as important.  (right this minute though, I’m thinking about what I’m going to have for dinner and how I’m going to stay warm at hockey tonight)

5.  If you could go back to one moment in time and change it, what would that moment be and how would you change it?  I know it sounds trite, but I wouldn’t change anything.  Obviously there are things that I know now I would handle differently, but if I hadn’t experienced them the way that I had then I wouldn’t know what I know now, would I?

6.  What is your biggest pet peeve?  I really can only name one?  Messages.  Voicemail drives me NUTS!  If you are going to leave me a message with the intent that I call you back, then just say that.  Don’t outline the entire conversation because chances are that once I’ve called you back, you’re just going to say the same stuff all over again and that means I’ve had to listen to it twice!

7.  What 3 things do you regret not having learned how to do?  Playing the piano; I did learn how to do that when I was little but I didn’t appreciate it at the time and now I couldn’t play a note to save my life.  Rollerblading; it seems like it would be so much fun but I’m scared to fall down.  Sewing; it would be handy to not have to bribe, coerce and blackmail my family members into sewing things for me.

8.  What is your biggest fear?  Not achieving #1

9.  If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?  I would have thicker hair.  Truly.  It’s something that has always bugged the crap out of me!

10.  What is the answer to life, the universe, everything?  Seriously?  As if I wouldn’t make people pay money for that answer! 

11.  What is one food that most people like that you can’t stand?  Olives, celery, salad dressing, peppers, olives and celery.  Yes, I realize that I put olives and celery twice but I hate them so much they deserved two spots!

12.  Name one place that you would like to spend one month visiting?  Is there anywhere on earth so repulsive to you that no amount of money would convince you to go?  I haven’t been very many places so anywhere would be good.  Topping the list would be Grand Caymen (I actually have been there), Australia, Italy, Texas.   I could probably be convinced to go just about anywhere.

13.  What book have you last read and why did you pick it up?  I am a voracious reader but lately I haven’t read much of anything besides the blog list.  My absolute, hands down FAVOURITE books are the Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon.  Fantastic!  Escapist and romantic and historical and absolutely engrossing!

14.  Share a quick recipe for fall.   Better you should look on the left hand side of my website under Recipe of the Week.

15.  Would you rather be financially well off but unhappy?  Or happy but always in need of money?  Definitely happy.  But I’d really rather have both, if you don’t mind.

16.  What is the most comforting sound in the world to you and why?  Hockey Night in Canada on low volume while taking a nap.  That sound has been in my life probably since before I was born.  It’s the sound of family and security and fun and obsession.  The sound I don’t like the most would be wind.  Scary and unpredictable.

17.  What are you paranoid about?  See #8

18.  What trait of yours do you most hope your children will carry on?   My heart.  Hands down!

19.  What is your guilty pleasure?  Aside from food, napping.  I love napping.  Long, warm, snuggly naps.

20.  What would you buy if you had $1000 to spend ONLY on yourself?  Clothes and makeup and shoes.

21.  What were/are your nicknames?  Do you like them?  Koochey, Whitley, Oliver, Doodlebug, Shanny.  And yes, I like them all.

22.  What was your first concert?  Most recent?  I have never been.  I have no desire to go listen to music in a huge crowd of people.  Mostly I have no desire to do anything that involves huge crowds of people.

23.  Have you ever done someone the dirty? I mean really, foully, badly wrong. And would you do it again, and why, or why not?  Yes.  And no, I would never, EVER do that again.

24.  If you could ask The Creator one question, what would it be?  It is not ours to question, just to live the best way we can.

25.  What were your dreams as a child?  Assuming this is talking about career, I wanted to be a teacher.  I’ve also wanted to be a Forensic Pathologist (medical examiner) and a nurse.

26.  What can you do better than most people you know?  Wow, that’s a pretty egotistical question.  I’m going to say write. 

27.  What’s your favourite bird and why?  That was really one of the questions!  I swear!  My favourite bird is my sweet lovebird.  Go HERE for a picture of the sweetness.

28.  When/where did you last go camping?  I don’t camp.  As an adult I’ve only done it twice.  But the last time was AWESOME!  We had a group of people from work go.  It was all covert, we didn’t know where we were going or what would happen when we got there.  Once we arrived we realized it was camping.  The night that we actually slept in tents was a time when I laughed so hard I cried.  It was me and another girl (and then there were 8 guys in other tents) and we decided to set our tent up, not on the nice level gravel, but on the more forgiving pine needles under a lovely tree.  Turns out that when it was time to go to sleep and we crawled in the tent, our tent was on a pretty serious downhill grade and so we spent the cold sleepless night sliding into the bottom corner of the tent and then hauling ourselves back up to the top.  We are BAD tent-set-uppers!  Also that was the weekend that I may or may not have stood up in a canoe (twice) and flipped it over (twice).  In October.  And it was the same guy in the other side both times.  He was NOT happy.  He wouldn’t have gotten in the second day had everyone else not refused to canoe with me!  That was a GREAT weekend!

29.  What home improvement project is up next on your list?  Cleaning up my spare room would be a lovely start.  Living in a small-ish apartment means that the spare room becomes a dumping ground for anything that I don’t want to look at anymore or can’t find a place for.

30.  Which season is your favourite?  Fall. 

31.  MAC or PC?  I have a Toshiba laptop but when I buy again it will probably be a Macbook.  You can do more creatively with the MAC.

32.  What would you say the best thing about getting older is?  Every year that passes I become less of a stranger to myself.  With age comes wisdom and I like that who I am and what I want is becoming more cemented all the time.  But I’m NOT OLD!!!!!!!!!!!

33.  What is the most surprising thing that you’ve learned about the BlogWorld?  I’m astonished at how many fantastic writers there are out there who are not published.  I’m astonished at how much people can come to care for complete strangers.  I’m constantly surprised by the people who come to my website and say such lovely things and care so much about me, someone they have never met!

34.  If you were told you could build any style house, what would it be and how big?  My house would be giant!  I would love to have lots of space.  Style?  I like the idea of living outside of city limits, far enough away that it feels like you’re alone, but close enough to a big city that I’m not deprived.  So outside of city limits, whatever would fit into the backdrop.  Maybe on a lake somewhere?

35.  What type of dog is your favourite and why?  I don’t want one, but probably a lab or a german shephard.  I also love my dad’s dog and she’s a border collie.  Let’s not get me a dog until I have the giant house out in the country, kay?

36.  Who is your favourite NFL team?  NHL?   NFL would be the Seahawks.  I used to watch football all the time and I loved the Dallas Cowboys.  For years.  I didn’t watch for awhile and now that I am again, the Seahawks are worth watching.  Plus they are the closest team to where I live.  NHL would be the Vancouver Canucks.  But my back-up teams are the Buffalo Sabres and the Montreal Canadiens.

Did you make it this far?  Do you feel like you know everything there is to know about me?  Too much?  Something that didn’t make this list that you are itching to know about me?  Leave a comment and I’ll answer.